Stimulating Conversations

Hello and welcome to the inaugural edition of Girly Parts.  Today we will tackle a subject that many of you will giggle knowingly at and many others will squirm uncomfortably.

Yes, that’s right, today we’re going to discuss losing your virginity.  I know, I know.  Ask a group of women what you should know about losing your virginity and you’re going to get a round of “lower your expectations!”  However, that’s usually not what you want to hear.

Anyway, a (male) friend of mine recently asked for anything he could pass on to a female friend who was considering taking the plunge and “taking things to the next level” for the first time.  She was nervous about the pain.  Since I am nothing if not helpful, I figured I’d take a shot at answering this most basic of questions.

Everyone has a story about her first time.  Usually, they’re not the most complementary towards the men who we lost them to.  The entire process is kind of uncomfortable, a little squicky, and depending on how experienced your partner is, may not even last more than a minute or 2.  My first time was one of the most uncomfortable 45 seconds of my teenage life.  It actually went so fast, the virgin I lost my virginity to lied and said he lost his erection rather than admit how fast the whole thing really went.  Basically, it’s not a magical wonderful experience unless you’re lucky.

There are things you can do to make it slightly better or worse depending on your unique situation.

First, is your lucky guy also a virgin or does he have some experience?  A more experienced guy will last longer than a virgin (which may or may not be beneficial as we’ll see later) and will (theoretically) know more about foreplay.

Second, you need to decide whether or not you’ll be able to break your own hymen.  The hymen actually breaking is the most painful part of the entire process.  Will you be able to actually be the one to break it or will you need someone else to do it?  If you think you can do it, you can actually break it yourself using a dildo or vibrator (please by a normal sized one as there is no way you need a gigantic meat staff for this process and smaller would be better at this point).  Or you can be on top during sex and lower yourself down slowly to control how much it hurts.  Then there are people like me, there’s absolutely no way I could have been on top my first time.  I’d have honestly never done anything.  I flat out told the guy up front to just make it quick and not worry about it hurting, because it probably would and I just wanted it over with.  Now, it turns out my hymen had already been ruptured accidently by a marathon masturbation session a few years beforehand, so while it only lasted about 45 seconds, it really wasn’t painful.  But the reason I remember the marathon masturbation session is because afterwards I was walking funny because of how sore I still was.  So yeah, if your hymen is still in tact, it’s going to hurt a lot.  It’s hard to explain the pain, but I promise it doesn’t hurt so bad as to be insurmountable.

Now, the most important thing is to remember to put on a condom!  We have information on that, so I’ll skip the details.  Just remember to wear them!  You really can get pregnant your first time and if he’s not a virgin or is an intravenous drug user, you can get an STD.  Just wear one.  Every time!  All the time!

After condoms, the second most important thing is lube.  Lots of lube.  This can be natural or store-bought.  For natural lube, you’re going to need foreplay!  This is suggested regardless of the lube situation, but oral sex, manual stimulation, and porn can all be used to fill this need.  Anything to get you wet will work.  Foreplay will be another article, don’t worry.

For store bought lubes, you’re going to want to get something waterbased, latex safe, and not sugary (no probably nothing flavored).  KY, Astroglide, and almost anything that can be bought at the supermarket in the “family planning” department usually work, but they should definitely say either “water based” or “latex safe” on the bottle just to be safe.

And finally, as in all areas of sexuality, communication is key.  If you can’t discuss with your partner what you need then you should not be having sex with them (definitely not losing your virginity to them).  Are you going to need to be the one on top or are you going to need him to do the quick and you’re done?  What kind of foreplay will you need?  This is always a weird discussion, but trust me when I say that it will make a world of difference later on when you’re in bed and gettin’ busy.

Oh, and lower your expectations.