Archive for August, 2008

New Guy

August 31, 2008 · Filed under Cyn's Sins · Tagged , , , ,

Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. I met this really awesome guy online. We exchanged quite a few e-mails, long ones, like 2 pages long in word. We shared a similar sense of humor. Out of all the guys on the “dating” site I’ve been on he was the only one I really had any interest in meeting. So we met last night, went out to dinner, had a few drinks watched a movie. The conversation was going great and there was an obvious mutual attraction. He is also a vegetarian and doesn’t smoke cigs which is a major deal breaker for me, the cigs, not the vegetarianism. So towards the end of the night he starts making the moves. I can’t say they were unwelcome. I was definitely attracted to this guy. We start fooling around and things are pretty good, there is a good chemistry, I’m pretty into it. I’m kinda distracted though cause I know my roommate can hear us and that really really bothered me for some reason. I guess I just have a hard time being intimate as it is. I do have to give him props for bringing up condoms, he even had one. I didn’t really want to have sex, but I always feel so trapped in that situation, we’re both turned on and stuff, it’s like…I feel like a tease if I say no.But as soon as we start having “sex” I just feel…..blah. I just want it to be over. Ok, part of it was the condom, condoms just fucking hurt, I know they are a necessary evil and I wouldn’t have sex without one, but they just make sex horrible for me. Part of it was…something else I guess. I don’t know. And afterward, I really just went to get online and start gaming. He wants to cuddle. I’m not a cuddler really, I mean, I can be sometimes, but generally after sex I want nothing to do with the other person. I just start watching tv and he’s all “are you gonna sleep with the tv on?” and I’m like…..no…….and then I realized that he had no intention of leaving. I mean I can kind of understand, it is kinda late and it’s probably a 40 minute drive back to his place, but the whole spending the night thing just feels weird to me. I mean, do I have to cook him breakfast in the morning? Now the happy feeling of meeting somebody I like and get along with is replaced with annoyance and dread of having to deal with him.

So after not being able to sleep most of the night cause he’s a cuddler, and I can’t sleep if somebody is touching me, he wanted morning sex. I was so not in the mood, so I told him I was sore from last night. Which is true. I was just like….omg I can’t believe he’s still here. It’s not that I don’t like him, I do, it’s just that I want him gone so I can think about things. He did leave after breakfast at least.

So, why can’t I just enjoy cuddling with somebody without wondering when the fuck they are going to leave? What is my aversion to sex? Why are guys completely incapable of sensing it.

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Hump Day: Lady’s Night

August 29, 2008 · Filed under Hump Day · Tagged , ,

[Ed's Note: Sorry this is a little late. Miss Moxie was sitting on the questions and planned on posting at her father's after running errands, but his internet was down when she got there. Whoops. Anyway, enjoy!]

In the Pokey

Just a quick hymen question. Wondering about the biology of this. Neither I nor my best friend bled when we lost our virginity. We bled the second time. Why the heck is that?

Miss Moxie:
Wow, honestly I have no idea. All I can think is you may have been better lubricated the first time than the second time or you put more into foreplay because of the worry.

Fetish Faerie:
Could’ve produced less lubrication the second time around. Guy could’ve been harder. Variety of factors involved here.

Cyn:

Uh….. what they said. Or maybe he put a razor blade in his dick. Like those psychos that put them in apples on Halloween. Hmm, maybe that’ll make my neighbor’s kids shut up. God why aren’t after birth abortions legal?

Waiting to Exhale

How do you “know” you’ve had an orgasm? I mean, I’m pretty sure I have, but there is always the feeling like maybe if I had held back and let it build up more it might have been bigger or better and I would have known for sure. How can one be positive one has achieved orgasm?

Miss Moxie:
Can I say ‘both’ without freaking you out totally? Because I’m going to say you’re right on both counts. First thing, physically you’ve had an orgasm when the walls of your vagina start contracting on their own. But the good thing about being a lady is that you can keep holding out for a certain amount of time and it’ll explode. I’ve personally worked myself to the brink several times to the point that a simple touch was enough to get me to start orgasming and shaking. It’s good clean wholesome fun and definitely something to try out when you have a few hours to yourself. I wouldn’t try this when someone else is getting you off because it can cause frustration and sore arms on the part of your participant. Plus it’s hard to fine-tune like that with someone else.

Floopyboo:
Orgasms are different for everyone. My advice to you would be to take a tip from biology class & keep testing until you have a conclusive result. That is, try again & again just to be sure. It’s a proven method for getting results.

Cyni:

Oh you just know. If you’re not sure, I’m guessing you probably didn’t have one. I thought I had had orgasms until I really had one, then I was like….oh…ok…..I get it now. Unless maybe you’re having vaginal orgasms instead of clitoral. I dunno. Keep trying I guess.

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Floopy Investigates the Orgasm & how to Fake it

August 28, 2008 · Filed under Blinded by SCIENCE! · Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

I most sincerely apologise for my incredibly misleading title, as this article is about how to fake your body into achieving an orgasm without using anything but the orgasm muscles themselves. The alternative title was going to be “Look Ma, No Hands!” but a) It doesn’t really work with “Floopy Investigates” and b) that’s really fucking creepy anyway. At least it is if you have my mother.

Last week I talked about the muscles you use to fuck, so with any luck you’ve had a week to practice isolating individual muscles. That practice is really going to come in handy.

Back in the early 90s, there was much joy & hooplah about how exercising your pelvic floor can do wonders for the tone of your vagina. Well, I was a little bit of a kegel addict, so I found out by accident that if you do enough of them, or do them fast enough, they trigger anything from a mild, pleasant tingle up to a mind-blowing orgasm – without using your hands.

Enough can be somewhere between 50 & 200 clenches, less if you cum at the drop of a hat. Fast enough…. well, once you’re at the stage where more than 50 in a row is a breeze, you will find that you can pick up the pace somewhat.

The problem with kegel exercises is that they can be so poorly described that you may end up isolating the transverse abdominus by mistake. If you do, just remember how you did it, because it’s a good idea to isolate and tone those muscles too. Kegel exercises feel like you’ve taken a vaginal orgasm & slowed it down by about 200%.

To do a kegel exercise, try to make all the walls inside your vagina touch each other. Draw it in nice & tight, and hold that for as long as you can. Now, slowly release the muscles as smoothly as you can. Start by doing five in a row, and then take a break for as long as it took you to do those five, and then do them again. Depending on your level of fitness, it may take you anywhere from a few days to a few months to get up to 20, and the idea is to relax & enjoy yourself. If you feel like you’re going to cum, go with it, that’s the point.

If you are having trouble drawing in & out, put something clean & well-lubed into your vagina. This can be your finger(s), your favourite dildo, or your current bed-partner. Actually, if you swing that way, get the boyfriend, because he will love you for this, and you’ll get some all important feedback. If you are using a prosthesis or your fingers, follow the directions above.

If you are going with the boyfriend option, here’s what you do. First up, get the boy all pointy, wearing of condom & lubed up. Then tell him to lie flat on his back, and tell him he is not allowed to move at all. Now, slide on top of him, and once you are comfortable, draw your vaginal muscles in so they are gripping his penis as firmly as you can, then slowly release the muscles. Ask him to tell you what it feels like. Most likely he will say that it feels like you’re giving him head with your vagina, or that it feels kind of fluttery. That’s fine & it means you’re doing well. Keep practicing until you can stand the madness no longer.

After a few months, you should be at a point where you are physically capable of the level of repetition or speed required to get you off. Go at it. Keep practicing. If it doesn’t get you off, it should at least have taught you some fun new tricks in the bedroom & have increased your stamina.

Floopyboo

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Man to Man

August 26, 2008 · Filed under Uncategorized

I made the mistake of asking The Esteemed Miss Moxie whether there was anything that she particularly wanted me to write about this week. I should have known better.

“MIcropenis,” she said.

At first I responded, as you do, with the inevitable “WTF?”. But being a responsible journalist I did some research and, the more I read, the more I realised that it’s no WTF matter. And then my esteemed colleague kookiedoh burst onto the scene with her intensely personal account of the importance of sex in relationships, at which point it all clicked and I began to think about micropenis as a condition, and what it might mean to someone with the condition.

According to the respected medical dictionary Wikipedia:

“Micropenis is a medical term that describes an unusually small penis. A common criterion is a dorsal (measured on top) erect penile length of at least 2.5 standard deviations smaller than the mean penis size. The condition is usually recognized shortly after birth. The term is most often used medically when the rest of the penis, and perineum is without ambiguity such as hypospadias.”

To those of us without medical training, it means a very small dick. There are pictures on the linked page and a Google search will provide you with all the information you need.

Now after all that we’ve said in these pages, you’d think that, while micropenis might be one of those conditions that could be compensated for. And in many ways I’m sure it could; a person with a micropenis could find many ways to engage in satisfying sex, and his partner could undoubtedly be well satisfied sexually. We know this. We accept it as truth.

But it’s bullshit.

I lay awake thinking about this. Really. I tried to imagine what it would be like. And if my imagination bears even the slightest relationship to reality, I can tell you now that it would be hell.

I imagined the strategies that Mister Micropenis would have to learn from an early age to stop his schoolchums from seeing it in the toilets and the showers. Children (the cruellest of all Nazis) would make life hell for MM from the first glance and, within minutes, the schoolyard would echo to the taunts and jibes. Gods – it would be horrible. I wonder how many childhood suicides, how many psychiatric conditions are the result of an inevitable sideways glance at the urinal. Guys – you all know what I’m talking about.

And I imagined what MM’s first tentative steps in the dating game would be like. At some point, if MM has managed to make it to adolescence both alive and sane, he’s likely to find someone who’s interested enough to be a potential sexual partner. Think about it. If you’re an old fart, like me, try to remember how damn hard it was to take those first steps. If you’re young, get off my lawn. And when you’ve done that, think about how infinitely more difficult it would be to be Mister Micropenis. There you are, testosterone fizzing like a shaken-up bottle of Croke, thinking – hoping – that this might – finally – lead to IT…

When do you mention it?

“Um, just in case we, you know, end up doing it, I thought I should tell you…”

Do you mention it early in the game, being honest and risking possible disqualification simply for mentioning sex before you have any right to assume? Do you wait until s/he’s undressed and in bed (or on the back seat of the car) before mentioning it? Or do you not mention it at all and hope against every god there is that s/he won’t laugh (the worst of all possibilities).

If you have any shred of empathy at all you’ll start to feel some of the brutality that life’s kitchen has dished out to Mister Micropenis.

Read what Netdoctor has to say then read kookiedoh’s violently honest and heart-wrenching tale. Netdoctor is a steaming pile of crap.

How many Mister Micropenises end up in stable and long-term relationships, I wonder. Some, undoubtedly. How many live lives (as Roger Waters so perfectly expressed it) of quiet desperation? How many never make it to the term of their natural life?

Next time you hear someone say “size doesn’t matter”, tell them that they’re full of shit.

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Condoms, STDs and a lecture

August 24, 2008 · Filed under Cyn's Sins · Tagged , , , ,

Sorry it’s late guys, I had it set to auto publish, but apparently I did it wrong.

Aids, Herpes, Genital Warts, fun fun fun stuff, none of them are curable, maybe controllable, one of them fatal. One could lead to cancer. There are tons of others that are curable but, why would you want those either? STDs. Now, maybe it’s because I am a pre-med student, or perhaps I just don’t like the idea of cauliflower growing on my genitals, but I am just a little concerned about STDs. As I mentioned before, I was in a 7 year relationship where I had little to worry about. Since then I have been “slutting it up” for lack of a better term, and they seem to be on my mind a lot more lately. Better on my mind than on my genitals I’d say. In the last 5 months or so I have had sexual contact with..(counts on fingers)…6 guys, 4 of which included actual intercourse. Of the 4 that involved intercourse, only one was open to talking about protection. Maybe it’s because we talked a lot on the internet before ever meeting, so it wasn’t something that hadto be brought up in the heat of the moment, but honestly, I think he’s a smart enough guy to bring it up anyway. He’s the only one I ended up not using protection with because we knew we were both clean.

So why is it that guys…and perhaps girls…don’t worry about protecting themselves? With cockyguy he didn’t bring it up and when I did he told me that he thought that STDs weren’t that common and were completely blown out of proportion. He wasn’t happy about the condom, but considering the guy was cheating on his girlfriend with me and god knows how many others, I wasn’t going to take the chance. I feel sorry for his girlfriend.

Daddyguy also didn’t bring it up, which, I found really odd because I’d think he’d be concerned where I’d been since I’m the young cute single blond with no morals. He’s got kids to think about for god sakes. Which brings up a side point…not any of these guys asked if I was on birth control.

Cuteboy was probably the funniest. It got down to the moment and I asked if he had a condom. I wasn’t expecting to sleep with him that night and I was out. He’s said no. So I went to 711 and bought the first ones I saw. I’m not a condom expert, I just buy whatever’s there. I got back to the room and he get upset that I didn’t buy extra large condoms. Now how in the world would I have known to do that? If you’re a guy and you really do need extra larges, carry them with you!

So, none of these guys wanted to wear condoms, but all of them tried to convince me they were clean and always were safe with other partners. Why in the world would I believe them when they were about to do me without even broaching the topic? Without even worrying about what I might have.

So, are people just uneducated or do they just hate condoms enough to risk a deadly disease? I hate condoms, but I believe they are a necessary evil and until I’m sure that somebody is clean, I’m not willing to risk cauliflower warts for 10 minutes of mediocre sex. I know we live in a time of abstinence only education, but obviously these guys aren’t being abstinent and obviously this education is not working.

As for the birth control aspect, Cuteboy actually said that he didn’t believe it was his problem. I told him it would be his problem when he was being sued for child support. Now, I’m one of those girls who think it’s absolutely despicable when girls get pregnant on purpose or lie about being on birth control or try to trap a guy with a baby, but guys, you can prevent this buy wearing a condom. You do have some control over this!

So there you have it guys and girls. Use protection. Condoms are the only birth control that prevents the spread of STDs.

Now for a little lecturing:

If you think you may have an STD please get it checked out and don’t sleep with anybody until you know what’s going on. We all have the responsibility to reduce the spread of these diseases. Many health clinics offer free anonymous testing for both men and women. To find a site near you call your local health department or go here http://www.hivtest.org/ I just had a test done, I do it regularly. It’s not that scary and some sites even have tests that give results in 20 minutes. That site also has information about STDs and their symptoms and treatments. Check it out. And if you have any questions, I would be happy to try to help, you can e-mail me at cynsins@gmail.com .

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Kookiedoh’s First Post

August 24, 2008 · Filed under Filler · Tagged

The first man I ever slept with was deeply in love with me. He doted on me and happily followed my stupid whims. He coddled me and made me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. I guess it was only natural I fell in love with him and eventually gave my virginity to him.

Our relationship progressed and we were a perfect match in almost every way. We liked the same books, music, and movies. Our sense of humour was the same and we never ran out of things to talk about. He wanted to marry me, which did freak me out because I was only 18, but it is hard not to be deeply touched by that kind of affection. Our only incompatibility was sex. He could not maintain an erection and I wasn’t mature enough to be able to deal with it in a helpful way.

I tried to be understanding as I could. I comforted him. I did my best to hide how hurt my self-esteem was that he couldn’t get it up for me. I nodded reassuringly and said I believed him when he told me nothing was wrong with me and he loved me more than anything in the world. I kissed him and tried to help him get hard again. I told myself it was no big deal. It was “just sex” after all. Only shallow people would have complications because of something as insignificant as SEX, right?

HAH!

I started to hate sex. I felt ugly and disgusting whenever his erection died. By the time it was up again I would be so disinterested I would be out of lube. I would just let him go at it and not tell him how much it hurt while I waited for him to just finish already so I could go to sleep. Eventually I started to avoid it at all costs. It just brought about negative feelings, so why bother? Soon any kissing or hugging and cuddling was phased out of our relationship too, because any time I did any of it I was being a “tease” if it didn’t lead to sex. I felt suffocated because he wouldn’t quit with the sex begging, and he was hurt because I wouldn’t stop rejecting him. One time when we had sex I cried after wards because he didn’t try to kiss me once during it. It wasn’t until a couple years later I thought ,“If it bothered me so much, why didn’t *I* try to kiss *him*? Then it clicked.

Both of us were selfish. During sex I was thinking about how he couldn’t get up for me and how uncomfortable I was and so on. He was concerned with maintaining his erection and getting off. Even after I reached the point where I confessed how much sex hurt, it was like he still needed to prove something by getting off. My ow’s were generally met with “I’ll be quick.” We were both thinking of ourselves when we should have been thinking of each other.

If we had just enjoyed kissing each other and enjoying the others’ attention maybe the situation would have resolved itself. Maybe not. But I think we both would have felt more loved and provided for instead of hurt and resentful. Most good sex requires good communication and understanding. I’m sure that you’ve all heard it before, but it is was so true for me. The lack of communication just ruined us.

You need to let your lover know what you want from them, and be willing to give just as much in return. Most importantly, you cannot just smile and say everything is okay. Yes, you may be sparing there feelings in the moment. In the long run, however, lying to someone you are in a committed relationship will come back and bite you both in the ass.

And “penetration” is not the main show, damnit! Every kiss and touch and look all matters. The attitude that oral or kissing or anything is being done to lead up to the penetration is silly. Enjoy every moment! Forget the term “foreplay” because all of it is necessary! While tearing off your lovers underwear and just going at it is nice sometimes, you should never forget that the act of pleasuring each other and enjoying being pleasured is important too. It offers an emotional connection for many that a wham, bam, thank you mam session just cannot provide.

I’m not sure if I got too off topic, sex subject wise or not, but I really wanted to share this story. Maybe one day someone young and selfish and in trouble like I was then will read this and it will really hit home that they can’t just brush off bad sex like it doesn’t matter. It really, seriously does. If I had known that it mattered so much back then, maybe I would have put more effort into my relationship and not have brushed the horrible sex off as “unimportant” and ignored the problem until it got so bad it was too late. Maybe this article will save another couple from losing out on something beautiful and “forever”ish.

Good luck. <3

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Fetish Friday – Fetishes vs. Fetishism vs. Paraphilias

August 23, 2008 · Filed under Fetish Friday · Tagged , , ,

This week, I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there, I’ll tell you how a fetish, fetishism, and paraphilia differ in a town called Bel-Air. First off, let’s discuss clinical definitions. The DSM-IV-TR (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) states that fetishism is the use of inanimate objects (excluding devices intended to cause sexual pleasure such as vibrators) as a stimulus to achieve sexual arousal or satisfaction for at least 6 months, with the affected person experiencing impairment and/or distress in several functional areas; paraphilias are “characterized by recurrent, intense sexual urges, fantasies, or behaviors that involve unusual objects, activities, or situations and cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.” What do either of these have to do with my column though? What we think of as “fetishes,” and what I write about here, are actually considered normal variations of sexual behavior. The only way a fetish can be considered an actual disorder is if it fulfills the criteria of causing distress or impairment in daily life. Fetishes are technically paraphilias (even if they don’t affect the person’s function), though not all paraphilias are considered fetishes.

Hope that clears up any confusion.

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Floopy Investigates the Muscles That Help You Fuck

August 21, 2008 · Filed under Blinded by SCIENCE! · Tagged , , , , ,

Your muscles help you fuck, how about that? And it’s a good idea to keep them in peak physical condition for optimum enjoyment of bedroom gymnastics. Body shape is far less important to sex than the health of your muscles, and a curvy person can often have better muscle health than a slender person. It all depends on how you exercise and how you take care of yourself.

Like any exercise, it is a good idea to stretch a little before a marathon sex session. Even a quickie should incorporate warming up your body in some way, particularly in winter. This is part of the reason why it’s a good idea to engage in foreplay. It gets your body warm and ready for some loving. Do some yoga, chase each other around the room with dildos, it doesn’t matter what you do, so long as you get your body warm and ready for sex. It will help prevent the tell-tale “saddle walk” characteristic of the dirty weekend away, and you won’t feel so damn sore afterwards either.

The obvious areas you will want to take care of are hands, feet, thighs and buttocks. They take care of balance, as well as the whole thrusting and grinding business. Less obvious are the core abdominal muscles, which is the layer underneath the stuff you see on the ripped abs you’ve been lusting over. These also take care of balance, but more importantly, they take care of your back, making some of the more advanced tantric positions physically possible.

For a good, healthy, sex-ready body, you need to have strong core abdominal muscles, otherwise known as the transverse abdominus. You can feel these muscles underneath the top layer of fat and muscle if you press down gently in the middle between your navel & your pubic mound. The best way to tell if you’re ripped in the core is to get on all fours and make like you’re a bottom. If you need to pop a few pillows under your belly for support, then you probably need to work on those muscles. Going to a clinical pilates class or a qualified bellydance instructor will help you work on those core muscles in a safe and gentle manner.

Floopyboo

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An Interview with Mistress Bella

August 20, 2008 · Filed under Hump Day · Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Today I have the great pleasure of speaking to Mistress Bella, a Lifestyle/pro Domme from Melbourne, Australia.

Bella greets me first, as I reluctantly drag my sorry arse away from the search for even more stuff for my Sims, and hunker down for an in-depth discussion of what it’s like to be Mistress Bella. At this stage, I am still working on writing up questions for the interview, but that doesn’t bother Bella, so our conversation takes a casual tone while I scurry to research the topic as I’m conducting the interview. Ah, the twin joys of multitasking & conducting an interview via IM.

I begin by mentioning the stereotypical question jokingly supplied by Cynigal – “Do you get off on torturing people?” To be honest, I’m not so sure that question wasn’t directed at me, but Bella laughs it off & says that everyone asks that.

“I get off watching others get off – but not a total sexual thing more of a mind thing. (I) can’t describe the look of happiness on their faces as I do this stuff to them. I practice mental bondage as well. So a lot of eye contact during sessions…”

She says that she needs to know where her sub’s headspace is, that she pretty much does what her subs are into in her own style. Sounds a lot like wish fulfillment to me – a leather-clad fairy godmother with a whip instead of a wand, I say, and she puts me straight on that stereotype right away.

“Yeah, (it’s) very stereotyped, as leather and latex are fetishes, not a dress code for Dommes. Dommes wear lingerie – footwear depends if sub has foot fetish. I wear anything from the usual black boots to stilettos.”

Well, that totally squashes any thoughts of latex, rubber & vinyl that I used to couple with BDSM. So that’s who the lingerie section at Sexyland is aimed at. Who knew?! Since I broached the topic so nicely, I ask about the other typical stereotypes she would like to turn on their heads. It turns out that I’ve gotten the two biggies squared away within the first half hour.

Bella is a member of the FemDomme Society, having just graduated from Domme University. She now holds the rank of Madame, and aspires to be Baroness. But Domme University is merely the tip of the iceberg, as Bella believes that a well-trained Domme is a good Domme. In describing the adorably-phrased “Domme University”, Bella walks me through her transition from sub to Domme.

“Well I used to be connected to a club called Hushnow run by a Mistress Tan. She is an amazing womon. I will explain womon: as I woo no man (I) won’t use women, unless official. She ran class from her club. I first went there as a sub with my Master. I had a one on one convo with Mistress Tan and it changed my life and made me realise I was meant to be a Domme to be honest. So I asked for my release, as I was a collared sub, and became a Domme. Well, she asked me how I was enjoying been a sub so I told her I wasn’t. I told her how it felt, and things I wanted to try, etc, so she steered me in the right direction. I then started lessons with her at Hushnow and became the Domme I am today.”

Bella also values the welfare of her subs, so she also keeps her first aid certificates up to date. This seems pretty responsible of her to me, so I ask if this is standard procedure for Dommes.

“Well depends on the Domme. So do, some don’t. (There are) lots of amateurs out there. I try to keep up with what’s going on and I always research before a session. I kept my first aid certificates up after leaving the fire service”

I have this idea in my head that the sub is really the one in control as the boundaries are pretty much set by their needs, wants, or desires, so I ask.

“No. A sub gives up all rights and has no input into sessions unless there is something he wants to try.”

Damn. My rather hasty research at Kinky Dictionary was obviously sub-par. Looks like I need clarification on consent as it applies to BDSM. Thankfully, I have Mistress Bella here to set me straight.

“Ok before session I ask sub if he is there on his own free will and that everything that takes place is 100% consensual. We have session rules. A sub’s consent is basically you can do anything to him he surrenders himself to you completely.”

Oh. That makes sense. Well, I can’t really be faulted for being a noob, so I ask what advice Bella has for the toe-dipping tentative. Her advice should be taken by everyone, not just BDSM noobs.

“Well, to be honest, be careful and only try things you are 100% consensual about. It’s all about trying different things and what works for you.”

Since this is tying in so nicely with the realm of sexuality that I do understand, I ask what it is that makes BDSM different from when I play around with handcuffs in the bedroom with Mr Science.

“Lots of vanillas role play at BDSM. But to them (it’s) more of a game as they really don’t understand the concept of things. For example, what it’s like to totally give yourself to someone else. It’s all about power control and how far a sub is willing to please his Mistress. Most people have kinks and fetishes – it’s up to the person whether they take further and how far. Most just play BDSM scenarios in bedroom and others take to next level and explore further. They are the serious submissives. We also have agreements we enter into with our submissives. BDSM isn’t a game you play when you’re feeling kinky, it’s a lifestyle choice. And these kinks and fetishes come from within and that’s not something that can be taught.”

Well, that’s pretty clear. Playing ‘tie-me-up-honey’ in the bedroom isn’t the same as being a contractually obligated sub. And don’t you forget it!

Mistress Bella is currently seeking a lifestyle slave. If you are interested in contacting her, or would like to find out more about the culture, please take a look at her entry at the FemDommeSociety, or use the BDSM Wiki as a launch pad to enlightenment.

Many thanks to Mistress Bella for agreeing to be interviewed.

Floopyboo

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Man to Man

August 19, 2008 · Filed under Man to man · Tagged , ,

Well, the Olympics is nearly over for another four years. And wasn’t it wonderful? It’s just one long, continuous orgasm for two weeks. Maybe it’s even better than an orgasm? Who can describe the excitement of seeing one person swim or ride or run or throw something one hundredth of a second faster, or one hundredth of a millimetre farther than someone else? What can equal the sheer intensity of soul-searching as we ask in our heart of hearts whether we really believe that muscular, wasp-waisted hottie owes it all to training and not to steroids? What the depth of our admiration for the heroic efforts of these fine young men and women who’ve sacrificed everything for the once-in-a-lifetime chance for glory and multi-million dollar sponsorships from McDonalds?

By now you’ve probably realised that there’s just the faintest hint of sarcasm there. Come on – let’s be honest. The Olympics are a bore. And not just a little bore but a huge, global, all-encompassing, multi billion dollar yawn; a veritable cornucopia of nympholepsy narcolepsy. (I didn’t do that – my spelling checker did. Really.)

And it’s a damn shame. Here we are in the first decade of the 21st century and, though my flying car seems to be as elusive as ever, surely it’s not beyond us to turn the Olympics from their current state of terminal morbidity into something really, seriously exciting – something that we can actually enjoy, instead of just pretending that we enjoy.

The ancient Greeks had it right. Those guys were really into excitement. No mamby-pamby bullshit for them – if the loser in the boxing wasn’t killed outright, the excitement of seeing someone beaten into a bloody pulp really added spice to the evening’s post-Olympic carousal.

We need to take a page from their book. And if you’re reading this column you’ve probably already guessed where this is heading. Sex.

It’s not hard, is it? (Stop that – you know what I mean.) It’s the one thing the Olympics lacks; the one thing that would blow it instantly it out of the doldrums and thrust it into the roaring forties of televisual sponsorship excitement.

It’s so simple. The categories are obvious: Hetero, Homo, Auto. Single contestants, doubles or teams; 2 male 2 female. The potential is limitless.

The doping criteria are simple: Viagra = doping (not that that should prevent, for one second, sponsorship deals with Roche Pharmaceuticals.) Imagine what the makers of KY Jelly would pay for the sponsorship rights? And Ansell, the rubbergoods maker! The Mom and Pop’s Corner Sex Emporium and Fetish Barn chain! A whole new world of sponsorship deals opens up before your lust-filled eyes!

And that $5,000 high definition teevee you’ve just bought? Finally – a justification that the little woman can  get behind!

So there you have it. And to show that I’m one helluva great guy, I hereby offer the concept free of charge to the International Olympic Committee on one condition: I get to be the head judge.

See you in London, sports fans.

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