Author Archive

Fetish Friday – Fetishes vs. Fetishism vs. Paraphilias

August 23, 2008 · Filed under Fetish Friday · Tagged , , ,

This week, I’d like to take a minute, just sit right there, I’ll tell you how a fetish, fetishism, and paraphilia differ in a town called Bel-Air. First off, let’s discuss clinical definitions. The DSM-IV-TR (the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) states that fetishism is the use of inanimate objects (excluding devices intended to cause sexual pleasure such as vibrators) as a stimulus to achieve sexual arousal or satisfaction for at least 6 months, with the affected person experiencing impairment and/or distress in several functional areas; paraphilias are “characterized by recurrent, intense sexual urges, fantasies, or behaviors that involve unusual objects, activities, or situations and cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.” What do either of these have to do with my column though? What we think of as “fetishes,” and what I write about here, are actually considered normal variations of sexual behavior. The only way a fetish can be considered an actual disorder is if it fulfills the criteria of causing distress or impairment in daily life. Fetishes are technically paraphilias (even if they don’t affect the person’s function), though not all paraphilias are considered fetishes.

Hope that clears up any confusion.

Comments (2) »

Fetish Friday: The More The Merrier?

August 16, 2008 · Filed under Fetish Friday · Tagged ,

This week’s Fetish Friday deals with multiple partners, e.g. threesomes, polyamory, bisexuality, etc.  As both Fetish Faerie and her betrothed fall firmly into the bisexual-with-strong-hetero-preference category, they are well-equipped to deal with the complexities involved in an open relationship.  The most important requirement for an arrangement like ours is OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION.  I love my fiance, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.  However, there is one thing that he just cannot provide, and that is girlybits to munch on.  We’ve come to a mutual agreement based on both our needs, and it doesn’t bother him at all that I’ve just gotta eat some pussy sometimes.  In fact, he benefits the most from it.  I don’t like receiving oral, so when I’m going down on a girl, I get all hot and horny, then go straight back home where my man reaps the rewards.  Likewise, if he decided he wanted to impale himself on some manflesh, I wouldn’t bat an eye.

So, again, the main thing you need to remember is to be completely honest with your partner about your needs and wants.  Your partner is not a mind-reader; you need to tell him/her explicity what your needs are and if they’re not being met, how they can help you get what you need.  Heck, your partner might actually think it’s hot to think about (or better yet, watch) you getting it on with someone else, be they the same or opposite sex.  It’s never an easy subject to broach, unless you’re comfortable talking about sexual encounters in a frank and open manner, and even if you are comfortable, there’s no guarantee that your partner feels the same way.  The best way to approach the subject is, oddly enough, in bed…I know I’m more agreeable to stuff when my partner’s hand is stroking my clit and he’s whispering naughty suggestions to me in a passion-hoarse voice. ^_^  If your partner isn’t the suggestible type, then you’ve gotta weigh the benefits of your relationship against the unfulfilled need.  If the relationship is great otherwise, you might have to resign yourself to the fact that you’re not gonna get to try this one experience.  If you absolutely can’t live without it, then there’s no point in continuing the relationship, and it’s your job to be forthcoming about the reason you’re leaving your partner.  Be gentle when you let him/her down…Fetish Faerie’s guy’s ex-girlfriend dumped him for another woman via TEXT MESSAGE.  That kind of shit can be a crippling blow to the ego, so PLEASE choose your words carefully.  Don’t just go, “I’d rather suck a cock/eat a pussy than fuck you again.”  Unless your partner is a complete douchebag who deserves to be cut down to size, I mean.

See you next Tuesday Friday,
FF

Comments (2) »

Fetish Friday: Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?

August 9, 2008 · Filed under Fetish Friday · Tagged ,

Today’s incredibly short Fetish Friday deals with exhibitionism and sex in public. From the darkened hollows of Lover’s Lane, to the back seat of your dad’s car, the thrill of doing it where you just might get caught is incredibly heady stuff. Of course, getting caught can totally harsh your boner, not to mention get you arrested and publicly humiliated when they broadcast your name all over the news…is it really worth the risk?

In Fetish Faerie’s own home area, there was recently an incident where a couple who met on the Craigslist website decided to do some bondage play in a public place and were caught when a homeless person stumbled upon their encounter and called the police, claiming there was a sexual assault in progress. The pair, who fled as deputies arrived because of the man’s marital status, were tracked down by a police dog and arrested. Now, I laughed REALLY hard at this story when I first read it, but as I think about it more, I truly feel sorry for them. Fetish Faerie has actually done it in “public”, but it was always in a secluded area with little traffic and a very low probability of getting caught. In fact, I DID get caught once, but my partner and I weren’t doing anything more than kissing, so the officer let us go with a warning, and I never went back to that area again. Those poor saps made an incredibly crummy location choice and now, not only did they get caught, they’ve got a criminal record involving public indecency, which is a sex crime. They might even have to register as sex offenders for the rest of their lives, which lumps them in with violent sexual criminals. That’s definitely the most important thing to consider, if you’re into public nookie.

FF

Comments (1) »

Fetish Friday: The Furry Persuasion (and a toy review)

August 2, 2008 · Filed under Fetish Friday · Tagged , ,

In this edition of Fetish Friday, I explore the soft, fluffy underbelly of the Furry/Zoophile world. Fetish Faerie’s fiance is a furry, and implores her to note that one does not equal the other. Duly noted, my dear. It’s true, though…just because someone’s a furry does NOT mean that they want to fuck (or be fucked by) an animal, and vice versa. Of course, there are those few people who ARE both…but we’ll get to that in a minute.

People have had affinity for “spirit animals” since the dawn of time. Most ancient cultures have at least one myth where someone gets turned into an animal, or a kindly talking animal helps the person raise their station in life: the ancient Greeks had the tale of Callisto being turned into a bear by a jealous Hera, while Puss in Boots is a good example of the latter. Likewise, there has also always been tales of animal-sexin’: Zeus turning into a swan or a bull to seduce yet another lovely nymph while he thought Hera wasn’t looking, the erotic carvings on Hindu temples of men penetrating horses, or the famous 1820 Japanese woodcut “The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife,” which shows two octopi sexing up a nude woman (and is a precursor to tentacle hentai!).

While Fetish Faerie herself is not at all sexually attracted to animals (she prefers the company of humans of either gender), she DOES have a bit of a kinky side…not that being a sex blogger isn’t a glaringly obvious way to tell THAT. I have in my possession two of the most bizarre dildoes I have ever seen in my life: a rather large bear-penis-shaped one, and a tentacle-shaped one. I obtained these from the lovely folks at Zetacreations, who model their toys on actual animal penises, from kangaroos to orcas. The scariest one of theirs I’ve seen has to be the fully-to-scale horse cock called “Thor.” You might remember the internet phenomenon “Goatse.cx”…apparently, that dude can fit TWO Thors in his butt. Ow. Anyway, the bear one, surprisingly enough, feels REALLY good despite its size…it fits inside and stimulates me perfectly. However, I don’t make the connection and think, “Ohh I’m being fucked by a bear” when I use it. It’s a tool just like any other dildo; the difference is just its shape and proportions. The tentacle one…it’s not quite as fun since it tapers to a point and it stabs me in the cervix, but it sure makes an interesting conversation piece, and really, EVERYONE should own one, because they are really quite pretty. Mine is metallic purple and if it had green suckers, would look like a sexy version of the tentacle from “Day of the Tentacle.” I am definitely going to purchase more toys from Zetacreations, as they have other non-animal toys, such as butt plugs and knotted anal trainers, and even new silicone ones!

So, in conclusion, don’t feel like a freak if you have erotic dreams about your pets, livestock, or that cute starfish at the aquarium. The legality and ethicalness of zoophilia remains to be seen, though. Bestiality has the “squick” factor of fucking a non-sentient being unable to consent, as well as religious prohibitions (Leviticus, anyone?), although it can also be argued that since animals don’t give verbal consent to each other when they’re mating, it might be ok for humans to copulate with animals, as long as they don’t deliberately try to injure them in the process. It’s a philosophical divide that may never be rectified. In the meantime, if you ARE a zoophile, please take every precaution available so you don’t hurt yourself, or worse, your “partner.”

Until next week,
Fetish Faerie

Comments (2) »

Fetish Friday – My Friend D’s Adventures in Voltage

July 25, 2008 · Filed under Fetish Friday · Tagged , , ,

This week, I’m interviewing my friend D, who lives in Australia (no relation to Wise Dick Man or the future Mister Moxie). He’s got a thing for electro play, which is an offshoot of BDSM. Basically, electro play uses light to moderate electrical shocks to stimulate pain/pleasure.

How did you first get into it?
Strangely enough at a club I was quite fond of … now sadly departed, a couple of friends brought some equipment along to a rather debauched evening (which involved me being caged, and at some point briefly suspended upside down … ah good times).
As you can probably imagine this was a rather extreme fetish night, the equipment was there .. I was in company I trusted and said yes … simple really. Although one later learns there are rules and caveats, obviously most of them are based around safety & boundary issues and most critically, trust.
After the first adventure, I was introduced to another group of people that share the same interests and more fun was had.
It’s important to note that you can just jump into wand work, but it’s not really a solo adventure I would recommend so at a minimum you should be familiar with the nature of sub and dom roles and be comfortable with a partner .. who should have done all this before. As boundary respect should be drummed into people that want to practice any BDSM, this goes double for electric play, you should start slow .. don’t push until ready to do so. Dom’s, watch your partner at all times. (Like you want to miss a second of it anyway)

Does it hurt?
Well yes and yet no, control is always essential; as a sub you need to be constantly aware and in a position to use your safety word or signal at all times, as a dom you should have a good handle on the physical limits of your play thing … with electro play if they look like they might just tap/pass out, then they will … don’t even go there until you KNOW you can handle it. That said there is nothing to fear in safe hands and there are all manner of stimulation toys, some are designed to simply tickle through the use of micro shock which is like a simple static shock to the skin, good for areas of the body one normally considers an erogenous zone.
Others like the classic violet wands that have globe attachments are for the larger areas of the epidermis and this is where electro play gets a little vicious … and we like it that way. Dragging a violet rake across the belly and pubis is just about guaranteed to make anyone convulse, squirm … and beg for more.
Most available toys do NOT pass electricity through the skin … this is another level entirely … do not approach unless in the hands of a pro. (By that I mean someone that can restart your heart … I am not kidding.)
Remember wands are for play, overstimulation can cause real damage so explore and don’t focus on a single area … they can get hot and burns and related scarring are not as fun as you might think.

What kind of equipment is required? You don’t just chop off a lamp cord, strip the ends, plug it in, and go to town, right?
Oh hell no … that would approach the lethal and yes some people have been known to do just that and guess what … they die. As with most esoteric BDSM equipment, electro play has a standard set of tools you will need, let’s talk about the requirements for a typical wand which nominally operate at a standard 115V. If you can supply 115 CLEAN(regulated) to a violet wand from a wall socket, great … I live in Australia and we use that weird Alternating Current stuff that actually works over distance. So the first item you need is a reliable stepping transformer that will SAFELY regulate the power you have around the house to an item you can safely hold in your hand. (Yes the wands are obviously shielded, you wont be holding a live wire) I have a unit that does Input: 240Vac with fuse Output: 115Vac @ 2.17A.

Once you’re set for power for the wand there are all manner of tasty attachments to play with. Most involve different shapes to create unique sensations, globes for large contact areas, likewise rakes (or mini bulbs) finger stingers for delicate work … chain whips which you can drag or snake across a flat surface (like the belly, not the back), conductive pads and cock rings … cock springs which are similar to the ring but are designed to house a fully erect penis, conductive speculums and dildoes abound … as do anal toys but should always ALWAYS be marked as safe for use and fit for purpose … a chrome plated plastic toy is going to melt.
A sanity warning seems appropriate here:
Never run equipment on a circuit without surge arresters or breakers … if you do get a spike the pulse *can* travel all the way into the unit and possibly the globe itself … even treated broken glass is not good (and expensive to replace).
Do not ever buy this equipment if you have not seen it tested in front of you, make sure MAKE SURE that the person you are buying the gear off is both responsible and accountable for the sale. This is so important … make sure that nothing goes wrong by doing your research and understanding the technology … if you don’t get an answer about the reliability of a electric toy then walk the fuck away.

Isn’t it dangerous, or is that half the fun?
Dangerous, it can be .. yes its exciting but lets not kid ourselves here, we are talking about pushing the body, especially the muscles, to the limits of endurance … spasms and cramps are inevitable with rough sex play, making the body twitch and cramp up are the goal. There are some areas of the body that should never EVER be shocked, the kidneys for example are off limits … no matter what your threshold, that will fuck you up. If you need to be pushed to the point where you void your bladder and bowls take your time and build up a safe routine. Push but don’t permanently damage: mark a sub, go to gaol.
Fun, yes … yes it’s fun and the adrenalin rush is unique and addictive, if you know you like little pain it’s a logical step up … but it’s not for the faint of heart … if you have a heart problem then you should probably not engage in electric play. SAFETY + RESPECT / CONTROL = JOY.

I would like to thank D, from the bottom of my heart, for agreeing to be interviewed for this article. You’ve been a goldmine of information!

Leave a comment »

Hump Day – Handjob Heaven: A Love Story

July 23, 2008 · Filed under Hump Day · Tagged ,

I consider myself a sexual altruist. I really don’t mind not having an orgasm, as long as my partner does, because there is NOTHING sexier than the faces my guy makes when he’s in the throes. We’ve been together for a while now, and we are incredibly sexually compatible. He likes to come, and I like to make him come. My favorite thing to do is give him a handjob.

My guy is 7 inches of uncut beauty, and I love to start out by just gently cupping his balls in one hand, and stroking gently up and down his shaft with the other. He gets hard so fast, it’s amazing he doesn’t pass out. I gently slide his foreskin down and bring my mouth down over his purpling glans, and give him a just little taste of what I could do, swirling my tongue around and around, then raise my head to grin mischievously. I’m such a tease, he says. He moans blissfully as I move my hand up and down on his shaft, increasing the pressure as I move further up toward the head, releasing as I move back down. I love that he’s uncircumcised: the foreskin is definitely there for a reason.

I begin to move my hand up and down faster, squeezing a little harder, using two fingers on my other hand to press into the space behind his balls, where I can feel the bottom of the prostate. My guy cries out in pleasure as I wiggle my fingers back and forth, while I keep jerking him. He arches his back and presses his pelvis into my hands, trying to increase and prolong the pleasurable sensations in his nether regions. He pants, “You have NO idea how good this feels, sweetie.” I assure him that I do, because making him hot gets ME hot. My vulva and clit feel all swollen and slippery, and I squirm lasciviously while I continue stroking his cock.

My guy’s breathing comes faster, in short bursts, interspersed with exclamations of “Oh God”, “Yeah”, and “Ohhhhyessss”, and I know he’s very close. His thighs twitch, his back arches, and a primal growl escapes his throat as a jet of thick white semen spurts onto his chest and belly, pooling in his navel. I mop up his leavings with a discarded pair of boxers, then he goes to take a shower as I take care of my own pressing need between my legs. Life is good.

Leave a comment »

Fetish Friday

July 18, 2008 · Filed under Fetish Friday · Tagged ,

SURPRISE! BUTTSECKS!

That’s right, kiddies: this week, the Fetish Faerie is stickin’ it where the sun don’t shine. Anal sex, buggery, buttfucking, cornholing…call it what you want; if done right, it can be LOTS of fun. You don’t believe that? Fetish Faerie has been takin’ it in the ass off and on for years, and enjoys the hell out of it. Now, I didn’t start out just getting poked in the butt right away, I had to start out nice and easy, with fingers, then gradually larger toys, before I could fit a fully hard cock in there. It’s important to note that when you see buttsex in porn, the actors have been prepped well ahead of time and have had so much practice that they CAN immediately take a cock or a large toy. You wouldn’t just go barging into someone’s back door without knocking first, right? Same goes for that OTHER backdoor. It’s just plain RUDE to stick anything in there without a little foreplay, not to mention the fact that it can be excruciatingly painful. The butthole muscles are technically a one-way valve, and forcing them open can lead to a whole new world of pain and misery.

Despite religious fundamentalists raving about how “unnatural” and “wrong” anal sex is, it’s been going on for literally thousands and thousands of years. Ever wonder how the word “Greek” became a euphemism for buttsex? It has NOTHING to do with spanakopita, I assure you. The ancient Greeks swung both ways, back in the day…hell, LOTS of cultures did! There are collections of erotic art all over the world, involving gay, lesbian, straight, and group sex. I think THEY knew a lot more about how to please a partner than puritanical douchebags like Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, and John Hagee. Maybe if THOSE assholes got a thumb in the bum more often, they’d be more approving of it. Or maybe they already do and they’re just too brainwashed to have fun…HMMM?

At any rate, Fetish Faerie’s man is bisexual, and really enjoys prostate massage, which is where the majority of pleasure comes from, for guys anyway. From what I can glean, the sensation is very similar to stimulation of the G-spot in women: a very intense, tingly, deep, pit-of-your-stomach kind of pleasure. I use a silicone vibrator that’s slightly bigger around than my thumb, when I’m plundering my man’s booty, though he says the vibrating is WAY too intense for him to enjoy. He likes the in-out motion with a little bit of pressure angled into the prostate. If I’m using my fingers, I wear gloves, and if he’s lying on his back, it’s JUST like stimulating the G-spot in a woman: insert your index finger just past the second joint, and make a “come here” motion (no pun intended). If you’re a girl who wants to try anal, some simultaneous clitoral stimulation will go a long way into making it pleasurable. I had my first multiple orgasm from getting my bunghole plugged while rubbing my clit.

Of course, we ALWAYS conduct every sexual encounter by using the Three P’s: Patience, Practice, and Plenty of lube (see first entry for details).

Legality: In the U.S., all existing anti-homosexual “sodomy laws” were struck down as unconstitutional in 2003, thanks to the Supreme Court’s decision on Lawrence vs. Texas.

Happy Humping!
FF

Leave a comment »

Fetish Friday the Fi(r)st

July 12, 2008 · Filed under Fetish Friday · Tagged ,

For her first column, your fantastic Fetish Faerie will profile something near and dear to her own…uh…heart. Yeah…heart. I’m speaking, of course, of fisting. Now I know what you’re thinking: “EWWW…someone putting their HAND up THERE? Doesn’t that HURT?!” Au contraire, mon frere…fisting is one of the most intense, sexually pleasurable experiences imaginable. Most people, when they think of fisting, get a scary mental picture of someone just shoving their clenched fist straight in. I can assure you it does NOT work like that. Very few people will be able to take a clenched fist straight in…it takes lots and lots and LOTS of experience, and even experienced fisters probably wouldn’t be able to do it right away, they’d have to stretch out and open up a bit. Also, don’t worry about becoming “too loose” from fisting…the vagina and rectum are muscles, they’re made to stretch and retain their elasticity, to a point…a hand, yeah, that’ll probably snap back just fine. A baby? Not so much.

At any rate, you just need to remember three simple things in order for a good time to be had by all. These “Three P’s” are IMPERATIVE in ANY sexual encounter, no matter how long you’ve been together.

First thing’s first: PATIENCE. Unless you or your partner have had a kid, enjoy larger toys, or been fisted before, don’t expect to be able to fit a whole hand in right away. You gotta work your way up slowly. The hardest part is getting over the knuckles. Toys definitely come in handy (hurr hurr)…start small and work your way up to larger ones. Your charming Fetish Faerie improvised with the tools at hand: I started with slim vibrators, then worked up to larger ones, and in one memorable case, a shampoo bottle. I only recommend using these in vaginas, and not for anal play…for $deity’s sake, PLEASE use something with a FLARED base in your bum, or a knot that will stop the toy from going in any further, unless you want to regale your local ER with an incredibly embarrassing tale of woe.

Second: PRACTICE. Again, you can’t expect to fit a whole hand in there your first time, and you really don’t want to try. It can lead to all kinds of uncomfortable tearing, bruising, and/or really painful stretching. Actually, half the fun IS the practice. There is nothing more erotic than the anticipation of feeling the entire hand slide all the way in (except feeling the whole hand go in there, I mean) and you just KNOW next time you’ll get it a little bit further in and how good it’ll feel when it’s all the way in…*swoon* I’d better stop now.

Lastly: PLENTY of lube. While some ladies, Fetish Faerie included, produce enough natural lube to float an ark, guys and drier gals will definitely appreciate an investment in some Astroglide. Even I swear by the stuff. It’s not greasy or slimy or sticky, and it’s water-based, so it will wash out of anything you get it on. You can NEVER use too much lube. Caveat: lube CAN make toys slippery, so be careful and use appropriate-sized toys with a good grip so your hand or the toy doesn’t slide somewhere quickly and hurt your partner.

Now that we’ve got the basics out of the way, let’s discuss technique. Some like it rough, churning in and out quickly…others just enjoy the feeling of being filled up, without any motion at all. Experiment a little, find out what works best. If something feels good, or if it hurts, TELL YOUR PARTNER. If you notice your partner’s eyes rolling back in bliss when you move your hand THAT way, do it some more. Better yet, tease them with it, then stop, then do it again and stop…prolong the happy feeling! Fetish Faerie, for example, prefers both in-and-out and pulsing motion (squeezing and relaxing the fist) with simultaneous clitoral stimulation.

If you’re one of the types who just like the filled-up feeling without any motion, a toy would probably be your best bet, as you can control it any way you want, and your toy won’t complain when you clamp down and crush it as you come! They have different shaped hands, some with a clenched fist, others with the fingers in the shape of a duck-bill. If Fetish Faerie could find one that had fingers that started out in the duck-bill shape then curled up into a fist as they were inserted deeper, HOO BOY I WOULD DIE OF ORGASM AND IT WOULD ROCK.

If you’re completely at a loss of where to start, check out some fisting videos on sites like YouPorn, PornoTube, or RedTube. They can show you all kinds of things, like the best angle to approach insertion, or how to even begin.

Legality: As far as I know, what you do with your hands in your bedroom (and your partner!) is your business, unless you decide to post it on the internet (please do this, btw, I’m running low on good fisting porn). I’m sure it’s perfectly legal as long as you’re not fooling around with someone who’s underage. Dammit, Jim, I’m the Fetish Faerie, not a lawyer!

Questions? Comments? Please feel free to leave them here or at my page

Comments (3) »

Welcome to Stimulating Conversation!

July 8, 2008 · Filed under Administrative, Fetish Friday · Tagged , ,

I’m the Fetish Faerie, and I’m the Fetish Friday columnist.

My job here, if you can’t tell from the title of my column, is to profile a different fetish every Friday, and provide tips and advice on how to have fun without causing permanent damage, toys and equipment to enhance your pleasure, and whether or not your particular fetish is even legal.

Please feel free to give me tips of your own!

Ferociously,

Fetish Faerie

Leave a comment »