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Project Phallus – session 05

September 23, 2008 · Filed under Project Phallus · Tagged , , , , , ,

501- Running Again

So, as per life, a lot has happened in the last few weeks (which is why writing a biweekly column is world’s easier then a weekly). Among the more relevant things to you readers is that I came across two new research assistants, both of whom are into the BSDM scene.

Oh the possibilities.

502- On the Ropes

Bondage is interesting to me because it is really so alien. Really, everything traditional aspect of the scene goes against my instincts. Restraint just makes me nervous. I am, literally, one of those people who will check the availability of every exit when entering a room. I even found a way to break into my house as a kid in case I got locked out, much to the shock of my dad when I demonstrated to him how when I moved out. So the thought f being willingly tied down…well I am also too damn curious for my own good, so I had to try it at least once.

So there I am, clamped and strapped on to her wall, and we hit our first snag. She just isn’t sure what to do with me. She doesn’t think I’d be very responsive to things like whips, and I’m inclined to agree at least at this stage (all the while fiddling with my wrists, thinking I gave myself enough room to slip out, damn guess not), and nipple claps are just really annoying. I just don’t see the appeal of the constant burn that they give me. I mean I’m all for fluctuating burning sensations (yay for wax!), but just lingering like that? It just makes me want to flick them away.

In the end, she just opts for the tease, and settled down in front of me with her vibrator. This… was rather effective. Though the entire time I could not stop subconsciously fiddling with my wrists and flexing against the rope she had around my chest. And of coarse chattering about the situation and psychology and various other things in an effort not to betray how well she had me ensnared, physically and lustfully. It was all pretty transparent and sad I admit. Which of course only encourages her.

Until finally, the dildo just isn’t acceptable to either of us (not that my opinion mattered at that point). And she decides to just fuck me against the wall. Oh thank god. Unfortunately though, while we are at a good height situation where this usually is pretty successful, something abut the angle and way I was leveraged just made it rather awkward in this case.
Which is good for me because that means I get to throw her on the bed after all.

Vengeance is sweet.

503- Wiping Up

So do I get it now? Yes, in part. I can certainly see the appeal of being taking completely out of control of your life to erase all the stress of having to manage it the rest of your day. But in my situation, where I rarely feel like I am in control of anything, I think I’m better off doing the tying. But then, since it is all so mood dependant I’ll probably feel differently next week.
And there will definitely be a next time, there is so much more to try after all.

FOR SCIENCE!

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Project Phallus – session 04 “ a Very Special Episode” or “my Drug of Choice”

September 7, 2008 · Filed under Project Phallus · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

401- I Digress

Obviously, I haven’t been writing as many columns as there have been weeks since I started. There is a very simple reason for that.  It is very difficult to write a column about sex without actually HAVING any sex.  In fact, having to sit down and write about sex is about the last thing I want to do when the only thing on my mind is how badly I need it.
So in stead of just giving up writing the column for a while, like a sane person would do, Moxie, Cyn, and Floopy unanimously declared that I should write a piece about it.
What the hizzy?
All I’d be doing is whining and bitching, but, I guess majority rules. Besides it makes a nice counter to last weeks’ ‘Cyn’s Sins’

402- Build Up

So, to avoid all the bitching, I need to make it relevant, which requires explanation. Also introversion and self analysis. Luckily these are my strong point these days.

I’m a guy (shock!)
stereotypically a guy is never not in the mood. And while the stereotype is most definitely bosh as many of my female friends have been dismayed to discover, such is not the case for me. In a previous column I’ve mentioned that I masturbate quite a bit. Lets say a rough average of 6 orgasms a day. It fluctuates quite a bit, and I often don’t actually proceed all the way to orgasm, but it’s pretty apparent from that that I don’t have much in the way of a recuperation time. I think my record is 4 orgasms in an hour.

So, yes, drop your pants and biologically I’m ready to go, (possibly even halfway there already)

403- Mind Games

But, if it was just a matter of orgasm, then why is a willing female even necessary? Let alone having to go through all the hassle of getting into her pants and between her legs (or etceteras)

The very definition of intercourse is the act of connecting with someone. And really, I think that that is sex’s biggest draw. Having sex is like proof that you aren’t isolated and alone in an uncaring ball of spinning dust. At that moment there is at least one person who is intensely interested in your well being, or, in the very worst cases would find t rather inconvenient if you died suddenly and unexpectedly. It is concrete evidence that you matter in those brief minutes or hours, and maybe more importantly, that someone matters to you.

Which brings us to the second biggest draw of sex, Intimacy. It is very difficult to be physically closer to another human being then by placing a part or your body inside a part of theirs. And it is very hard not to crave that closeness when things just  ‘work’ between two people. I mean this primarily in the sense of physical attractiveness, but it can be just as intense when you come across a mental or emotional connection. And if it is a combination of two or all three, well, I hope it works out for you, because it can be an incredible crash if it doesn’t.

There are purely personal, almost child-like, reasons for desiring sex too. All the textures and sensations, (and sights and tastes, and sounds) that can occur, having intercourse can turn into an almost infinite variety of adventures, depending on the scope of your imagination. It can almost be a thing of wonder exploring a person’s contours for the first time, parallel to Christmas morning when you were 8.

And, of coarse, who can forget the narcotic aspect of sex? Orgasms release endorphins, and few chemicals can top those for fighting depression.  So sex reactively becomes a method of relieving tension. Literally all my stress goes into my penis. This could be the curse of being a non-violent, drug-free male. I just want to explode, but the only place I can do that is in my pants.

Here is the best part:

So if I’m having a shitty and stress-drenched time of things and all I want to do is relax and get close to someone, but the option isn’t there, then I’m stuck. Call it a blockage in the river. The tension has no satisfying release, and ironically that causes more tension. And that causes a rather pissy Joe.
On top of this, when facing a deficiency in one of the other areas where sex can be a bandage, the tension get be almost double. In these cases there are all those feelings of loneliness or boredom, that not only don’t get fulfilled, but their lack of fulfillment causes tension in itself, which leads to horniness. Which leads to a really pissy Joe

And that, in short, is why I really really need to get laid more often.

404- Errata

Note that I haven’t mentioned anything about love, I did cover intimacy, which is thematically similar, but love goes beyond all that by many many levels. All I’m doing here is bitching about not getting laid though, The tribulations of Love can go in a different column.

As for the next session, Moxie compromised on me not quitting, and now I’m bimonthly, alternating Sundays, with Cyn’s Sins. Which is nice because it gives us both time to build up material, and, hell, probably tag team topics.

As always, Questions and comments are strongly welcome,

FOR SCIENCE (and mental well being)!

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Hey Lookie here! An Extra day of Humping just for You

August 17, 2008 · Filed under Hump Day, comisex · Tagged

In lue of Cyn’s ussually titalating Sunday ranting (because she filled in for me last week), here is a sneak peak at the prototype for one of our upcoming new Hump Day features. Sorry in advance for the scratchy lines. Next time I’ll have a pen that is actually calibrated, I promise!

Enjoy!

And don’t forget to be loud, vocal, and abrasive about what you think about it. It is the only way it will ever improve.

Happy Sunday

–Joe the Fox

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Project Phallus – session 03

August 17, 2008 · Filed under Project Phallus · Tagged , , , , , , , ,

301 – Sargasso

Things have not been going well as of late. Life has been nothing but cancelled plans from all directions and lots of overtime at work, both great advantages to building resources for my upcoming move, buuut rather lacking in content for a weekly sex column. Which is why the last two weeks I’ve had to call in pinch hitters. Unfortunately though I’ve run out, meaning it’s time to pull something out of my ass. Purely metaphorically, I promise (Back off Fetish Faerie!).

302 – Yanking

So, Potential Filler Topic Number One would be to introduce my lab partners. Basically, ripping off Cyn’s idea. But that would really be a waste o time, since you already know one of them pretty well, and the others, well, “falling through in all directions”.

OOOOOoooo, okay, after farming my friends for topics while writing this, I got a good suggestion. Mainly the PAST!

Project Phallus – session 03b

301b – Configurations

Over the coarse of my epic history, of a handful of long term relationships, and interesting pattern has emerged; The first girl I dated was a tiny tiny thing. (This was one of the contributing factors in such a mediocre losing our V-cards, since she was also a bit too tiny between the legs.), then an upper medium sized girl, then another skipper doll, and finally a self-admitting fat girl (I have never truly experienced boobs before her.)

Where I’m going with all this, is that there is a definite difference between fat-girl-sex and skinny-girl-sex. And this is particularly noticeable in the feeling of her vaginas, (especially when not wearing a condom, but don’t to that guys.)

When sliding into a thin girl, her walls are generally smooth and firm, I don’t want to say like putting on a glove so I won’t. With a chubby girl though, it’s more like say…cookie dough. I’ve never put my penis in cookie dough though so I have no way of knowing for certain, maybe Dickman has, he is way more experienced, I’ll have to ask him later. Forgetting metaphors for a bit, fat girl vaginas are as squishy. It’s a very pleasant sensation actually, like the girl is gently caressing you as you thrust into her.

302b – Conclussions

Yay for BBWs! woooooo

Obviously there are plenty of other differences in the two body types and intercourse with, but hey, I think I’ve drawn this out enough for the week, and really it is a lot more fun to go discover them all for yourselves.
So shoo! Leave me alone and go find someone to fuck

FOR SCIENCE!

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Project Phallus is Missing – WEEKEND GUEST COLUMNIST!

August 3, 2008 · Filed under Project Phallus · Tagged , , , , , ,

Lately, well I have had no opportunity for sexy. Sad, and tragic it is, but, well these things happen. (more then I like)

SOOOOO I dragged Ruby in to tell her own story.  It is all chock full of meaningfulness and advice for many an internet  or real life situation.

Sit back, enjoy, and hop to god either of us gets laid next week.

* * * *

I was not-so recently in a long-distance, long-term relationship with a pretty significant age difference.  It relied pretty heavily on the internet and telephone for anything relating to sex, which honestly was really hot.  He’d say anything I wanted to get me off; I just needed to have loud orgasms and he’d be happy.  When apart we were infinitely compatible sexually.  But when together…

I’m basically the horniest girl I know.  I’m also somehow one of the kinkiest, in spite of fairly limited experience.  Tie me up, throw me down and tell me exactly what to do and I’m all yours.  So imagine my disappointment, when asking my boyfriend what his favorite part of sex is, hoping for some hot phone sex, I get the response “I guess the closeness”.

WHAT?!  Not even orgasms?  Not getting head or the sensation of thrusting hard into a wet pussy or seeing my awesome O face?

When we were together he wanted to hold me while he was inside of me.  Having the weight on my chest gave me a panic attack.  I put my legs over his shoulders, which he initially resisted until I made it clear that it was the only way sex was going to happen.  After neither of us had orgasms from the sex (long story), he liked to hold me, which is so sweet, but I just wanted to put my pants back on and go to sleep without arms tangled around me.

I’m sure that I’m irony’s bitch.  I’m a girl that loves to fuck and I end up in love with a man that exclusively enjoys making love.  Stereotypes are ridiculous, but why am I begging him to fuck my ass?  Shouldn’t it be the other way around?  Shouldn’t me saying “harder” mean something?

I’ll admit, I dealt with this badly.  I gave up on asking for what I wanted in person because asking made me feel guilty because he would never say no, just laugh, or change the subject or indulge me half-heartedly.  I can imagine that I indulged all the cuddling only half-heartedly.  Each time we’d see each other we’d have less and less sex and I would masturbate more and more.  He did like to see my awesome O face after all, just not the most.  It’d be followed with a “wooow” from him, which annoyed me because why wasn’t he causing it?  I’m not going to pretend that my frustration wasn’t a part of why we broke up.  I mean, I didn’t end up tied to his bed even once.

I’m going to end this by giving you all some advice that I probably still wouldn’t follow because I’m a hypocrite: TALK, dammit!  Be clear about what you want.  Tell your partner how much it would turn you on to be fucked against a wall and how you’d like to curl up in bed with him for hours after.  I’m not suggesting that you make him uncomfortable about it, just make it more enticing.  He already wants you, after all.  Rejection after that barely scratches the ego.  If you pull a Ruby and just stop talking, nobody gets laid and nobody gets what they want, plus there’s that pesky risk of breeding bitterness just because you weren’t clear on how important something was to getting you off.

I’d like to make the disclaimer that the rest of the relationship was invaluable to me, and it’s no one’s fault that we were dramatically incompatible.  It happens.

* * *
And I wish her better fuck next time. Talking really does help, especially when you are at a loss for a column

Hahahaha, his is the Cryptkeeper, signing off.

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Project Phallus – session 02

July 27, 2008 · Filed under Project Phallus · Tagged , , , ,

201 – Sound Bytes

Over the coarse of my various experiences over the years, I have all ways regarded the concept of Phone Sex as sounding rather ridiculous. I have a lot of friends who have had amazing experiences with it, but personally I just never saw the appeal. For me, sex is a very tactile/visual thing, so the ideal of just listening to some one get off on the other end of the line just doesn’t have the same punch as say, watching them masturbate. Even in during my REALLY ridiculously distance relationship, neither of us really gave it enough credit to bother.

So, with that introduction, you can see that I would be a bit thrown back, when the girl I’m chatting with on the phone (for the first time) causally comments how what her pussy is and how much she wants to suck on my throbbing cock.

202 – The Experiment

I feel like I should begin by pointing out the fact that I’d already been masturbating myself. I do this quite a bit actually.. If a hand is free and I have any amount of privacy it is generally on my penis. (there is a nice mental image for anyone who happens to be on the phone or chatting with me) And because I do this a lot in places with not an ideal amount of secrecy; such as on the phone, in classrooms, or in an apartment with three other roommates and no closible doors., I am a fucking orgasm ninja. One end result being that I can be rather silent in getting off out of  necessity. Not really the most stimulating phone conversation.
On that, back to present events:

Immediately, I recognize where this conversation is going and as usual my first instinct is to just roll with it and see what happens. I soon realize though that my mind is absolutely blank. I can just sense her expectation on the other end and all I can say is “uuuum… I pull you down and kiss you….”  And going on from there only mildly more interesting. I mean honestly, how many ways are there to say ‘lick,’ ‘grope,’ ‘penetrate,’ and ‘massive throbbing member’? I like to think I made a valiant effort describing all the things that wish I could actually be doing to her without feeling to repetitive, But I’m afraid the awkward silences were a bit obvious. Too her credit she did an excellent just picking up the slack and I have to say it did get pretty hot. Quickly, I changed tactics, now going for the sexy memories angle, and ask her about highlights of some of her past experiences. I think this worked a BIT better, since by now we had both orgasmed twice (though as I mentioned before, I had a bit of a head start). I must say the girl cums loud. I am definitely not use to screamers. Not that that is bad, but it is something else that catches me off guard in an already odd situation. It’s also an almost funny contrast since I’m having to make a conscious effort to be able to be heard over the phone.

And finally we result to that; load moany sex noises, and I actually cum again. I ‘spose the thing isn’t the write off I thought it was after all.

By the time I hang up I actually make it to number four, which, while not rare for me, is pretty uncommon at least. Mostly I blame it on the fact that after all the moaning we actually start having a normal conversation, (though it soon urns into moaning again). For the life of me I forget what about.  It’s funny what can turn a guy on some times.

All in all, I guess it was a success. This all happened a few weeks back, and since then we have ended up getting off over the phone two or three times since. I can honestly say that I’m getting better at it. As with anything else, the old saying still applies. I still would prefer just fucking her though.

203 Appended

Assuming all goes as planned post move, future sessions will be far less impromptu sounding I promise, likely beginning with session 04 or 05, when I’ll actually have the ability to not only plan things out, but actually run experiments. Please send topic suggestions and  comments. I’d love to hear what everyone think and I could use some ideas of what to try next.

FOR SCIENCE!

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Project Phallus – session 01

July 19, 2008 · Filed under Project Phallus · Tagged , , , , , , , ,

101 -  Introduction

Welcome to Project Phallus. Your weekly excursion into the purely scientific realm of “getting off”. All the hows, and whys, and what the fucks pretty much directly as it happens. Because honestly, so much of this column I’m making up as I go along. But really, isn’t it so much more fun that way?

First the basics: I’m a male in my Early20s. I lost my virginity at age 16 and have pretty much been in extended relationships ever since. Surprisingly this involved very little actual sex (for a number of reasons not needing to be brought up here yet). Now for a guy who masturbates 5-8 times a day this has posed something of a conundrum.

102 – The Experiment

Very recently, I’ve found myself not in a relationship for the first time and now I want to know what I’ve been missing. Which is quite a bit if the internet has anything to say about it. And you are all coming along for the ride.
Every week, starting in August, I, with a handful of volunteer lab partners, am going to experiment with all the ways I’ve never had a chance to try getting off before. Here I’ll record my impressions, feelings, and general comments for better or worse or downright silly and awkward, all in the name of SCIENCE!

I’m even up for suggestions, though really there is so much to get t already.
Let’s see how vanilla I actually am.

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