Author Archive

A Very Special Crosspost

September 10, 2008 · Filed under Girly Parts, Man to man · Tagged , , , ,

You may have noticed there was no Girly Parts yesterday.  This is Girly Parts.  It’s also Man to Man.  WDM is out of town today on business, so I decided to do the lazy thing and do a crosspost to both categories.  Anyway, today I’ve decided to talk about something that doesn’t get nearly enough press in the sexual health realm:  Unequal Libidos.

No, hear me out.  Every bad stand up comedian has a routine about how women never want sex.  It’s partially based in fact, testosterone is the hormone primarily responsible for your sex drive and men have a lot more of it.  It’s also more socially acceptable for men to want sex and for women to withold it.  But what happens when the opposite is true and a woman finds herself in a relationship with a man who has a lower libido than her?

Contrary to popular belief, this isn’t an uncommon situation.  I’ve spoken to several people who found themselves with exactly this problem.  The shitty thing is that the problem isn’t with the partners, actually.  It’s with the way society perceives human sexuality.  Humans have many different levels of sexual desire regardless of gender but society forces a stereotype of the perpetually horny man and the frigid wife which can lead to all kinds of misunderstandings and hurt feelings if not addressed.

Here’s how a situation like this usually plays out:

  • Woman attempts to initiate sex.
  • Man either attempts it and fails or flat out refuses.
  • Woman feels rejected and unattractive and pulls away.
  • Man feels inadequate.
  • Woman with wounded ego doesn’t want to initiate sex as much.
  • Man becomes afraid of failure and doesn’t initiate sex.
  • Both parties become hurt and pull away from each other.

You can see where this is not an effective strategy for long-term happiness, no?

I’ve spoken to a man whose lady-love has a higher libido than him.  They’ve both decided to accept that she’s just going to masturbate several times a day and they’ve decided that works for them.

It’s true confession time:

I’m in a similar situation myself.  My libido is slightly higher than my fiance’s.  They’re fairly equal in that usually we both can be talked into The Mood when the other one is ready, but unfortunately he never initiates sex because my libido is higher than his so usually it’s me doing the initiating.  See, unfortunately we live on different continents so the first time we managed to get together for sexin’s, this became a bit of an issue since we were living together for a month at the time.  Did it lead to hurt feelings?  Hell yeah.  Did I swear off initiating sex?  Yep, but unfortunately my libido is so high I couldn’t resist him.  That says a lot about me, I know, but we’re getting to the point here.

I’d love to sit here and be all, “as soon as I told him how I felt we had mind blowing sex and everything was SUPER COOL!” but I’d be lying to you and that’s not really the point of this blog, now is it?  I told him how I felt while crying and generally being a drama queen and we didn’t have sex a couple times and eventually we got used to each other.  Do I wish we had more sex?  Not really.  Like I said, we’re pretty evenly matched except in the initiation department.  It’s funny, but one of the things that really helped me was switching to ugly pajamas.  It makes no sense, right?  But the thing is, when I was wearing pretty silky satiny things, I had in my head that holy shit I was HOT! So if he didn’t attempt to initiate anything I’d have to do it just to sooth my aching ego.  So now?  I wear yoga pants and a free t-shirt I got free from the Xbox pavillion at Warped Tour this year or I’ll wear a pair of froggy pajama pants my step-grandma made for me and a t-shirt I swiped from my step-brother.  It doesn’t get me thinking about sex, so I’m more comfortable if we don’t have it or if he doesn’t initiate, because I’m not making an effort.  He feels less pressure to perform, because I’m not needily crawling on top of him at 3 in the morning desperately.

I’m not suggesting you intentionally ugly yourself up, but I’d be remiss not to mention what helped me accept the situation.

Look, the important thing to remember is that if you’re unhappy, your partner probably is too.  Fellas, if you find yourself turning your girlfriend down more than you initiate sex, maybe you should try “being there for her” and track down one of our lovely tutorials on the female orgasm to get started.  Ladies, if you feel rejected by being turned down for sex, maybe try being there for yourself sometimes.

But long term, you do have to talk about this.  It’s not something that’s just going to magically fix itself down the line and the longer you let it go, the worse it’s going to get.  Just whatever else you may think, know that you’re not alone here.

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Something A Little Different

September 3, 2008 · Filed under Girly Parts · Tagged , , , , ,

Howdy from Texas, y’all!  Since it was a holiday here in the states yesterday (and I spent that holiday in a car driving from Arkadelphia, Arkansas to Dallas, Texas to Houston, Texas) we’re doing Girly Parts a day late this week.  Also, I can tell you that there is nothing in Arkansas.  I’m totally serious.

This week, we’re going to talk at something a little different than “how do I have orgasms?!” because I had a bit of inspiration the other day.  Y’all know I like to put a little bit of feminist theory in my sex ed as evidenced by my body image post, so this week we’re going to talk about something the mothers I hang out with tend to worry about a lot.  Namely, we’re going to talk about raising your daughters to have a healthy relationship with sex, granted I don’t have children but I do have parents and I have lots of friends who are in the same boat as I am.  As a result, this article will be more about theory than practice.  However, if someone would like to write an article about the practice please use the “contact us” button at the top there and I’ll see if we can work out an interview or something.  This is a lot harder than just raising a feminist daughter, because nobody wants to talk about sex with their children.  Sex is shameful to the vast majority of people, and we transfer this shame onto our  children when we try and talk about it with them.

First, if you’re going to be trying to raise a strong, sex positive daughter, you need to become sex positive yourself.  Your attitudes about this is going to be the biggest help or hinderance in this situation.  You can try and get a better life for your daughter without having to become something you’re not, however.  It’s just harder.

Another extraordinarily important thing is to have a healthy sex life with your partner.  Obviously not in front of your kids, but you do want to be physically affectionate and demonstrative.  Children who perceive their parents as having a healthy sex life are more likely to have a healthy sex life themselves.

So far, this has been pretty general, I know.  But you need to get the foundation and the walls up on a house before you can start painting and decorating.  If you can have a healthy life, the rest is just window dressing.

Now, let’s start getting into “The Talk” and how to talk to your kids about sex.  Imagine this:  You’re sitting in the car and your child says, “Mom, where do babies come from?”  and then what do you do?  If you’re like most people, you get flustered and make some shit up about how “when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they have a special hug…”  and your kid internally goes “BULLSHIT!” because I bet they know a kid whose parents aren’t married or they have a relative who got accidently knocked up or have seen a TV show where someone has an “uh-oh” baby.  So here’s my suggestion:  Practice.  What are the big questions you’re anticipating?  “Where do babies come from, why don’t I/you have a penis, what’s a penis/vagina/orgasm?”  figure out answers that will be age appropriate and what you want your children to perceive.

Where do babies come from?  Well, sometimes when two people are grown up, they decide they want to do something called sex.  The man puts his penis in the woman’s vulva and sometimes that makes a woman pregnant which means she’s going to have a baby.

Theoretically, the best method for discussing sex with a child is to use biological rather than moral descriptors if you don’t want your children to have hangups about discussing and having sex.  Morality can come when they’re a little older and you have the “becoming a man/woman” discussion.  Again, stick to descriptors and use the right name for everything.  I think most of us remember our “Talk” as being pretty shitty.  I’ve heard some real doozies, including a book I read where the author’s mother told her sister, “Women have eggs.” and then the phone rang and the mom forgot what was going on.  That is not how to should do it.  Carve out some time when you both have free time but don’t have a lot of people hanging around and won’t have any interruptions.  At the end, you may want to offer a book for further reading.  You can email us for suggestions based on your situation, but rest assured they make books for every occasion of explaining The Birds and The Bees.

Finally, when I say “use the correct terms” that means say “vulva” instead of “vagina” unless you actually mean the tunnel through which babies pass.  You may notice that even in this column, I use the word vulva frequently in situations where most would say vagina.  That is because the two are not interchangeable.  The vulva is actually analogous to the penis.  The equivalent statement to “girls have a vagina” would be “boys have seminal vesicles”.  The the word “vulva” encompasses the entire external female sexual system except for the uterus and ovaries.  If there is any chance of something touching it without some serious prep work, it’s in your vulva.  The reasoning is that using “vagina” equates sex with an act that is soley for reproductive purposes and therefore not pleasurable to women, only to men.  If you want to encourage your children to make female pleasure a priority in their future relationships, vulva is the correct term to use.

And remember, kids!  It’s not swearing to say the name of a God-given body part!  So don’t act like it!

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Hump Day: Lady’s Night

August 29, 2008 · Filed under Hump Day · Tagged , ,

[Ed's Note: Sorry this is a little late. Miss Moxie was sitting on the questions and planned on posting at her father's after running errands, but his internet was down when she got there. Whoops. Anyway, enjoy!]

In the Pokey

Just a quick hymen question. Wondering about the biology of this. Neither I nor my best friend bled when we lost our virginity. We bled the second time. Why the heck is that?

Miss Moxie:
Wow, honestly I have no idea. All I can think is you may have been better lubricated the first time than the second time or you put more into foreplay because of the worry.

Fetish Faerie:
Could’ve produced less lubrication the second time around. Guy could’ve been harder. Variety of factors involved here.

Cyn:

Uh….. what they said. Or maybe he put a razor blade in his dick. Like those psychos that put them in apples on Halloween. Hmm, maybe that’ll make my neighbor’s kids shut up. God why aren’t after birth abortions legal?

Waiting to Exhale

How do you “know” you’ve had an orgasm? I mean, I’m pretty sure I have, but there is always the feeling like maybe if I had held back and let it build up more it might have been bigger or better and I would have known for sure. How can one be positive one has achieved orgasm?

Miss Moxie:
Can I say ‘both’ without freaking you out totally? Because I’m going to say you’re right on both counts. First thing, physically you’ve had an orgasm when the walls of your vagina start contracting on their own. But the good thing about being a lady is that you can keep holding out for a certain amount of time and it’ll explode. I’ve personally worked myself to the brink several times to the point that a simple touch was enough to get me to start orgasming and shaking. It’s good clean wholesome fun and definitely something to try out when you have a few hours to yourself. I wouldn’t try this when someone else is getting you off because it can cause frustration and sore arms on the part of your participant. Plus it’s hard to fine-tune like that with someone else.

Floopyboo:
Orgasms are different for everyone. My advice to you would be to take a tip from biology class & keep testing until you have a conclusive result. That is, try again & again just to be sure. It’s a proven method for getting results.

Cyni:

Oh you just know. If you’re not sure, I’m guessing you probably didn’t have one. I thought I had had orgasms until I really had one, then I was like….oh…ok…..I get it now. Unless maybe you’re having vaginal orgasms instead of clitoral. I dunno. Keep trying I guess.

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Love Your Vulva

August 19, 2008 · Filed under Girly Parts · Tagged , , , , , , , ,

What does your vulva look like?

No, seriously.  Take a minute and think about this.  What does your vulva look like?  Are your labia long or short?  Fat or thin?  What does your clitoral hood look like?  Is it wrinkly or smooth?  How large and long is your clit?  Is everything symmetrical?

My labia is kind of weird looking to my eye.  They’re not too long, but the look of them when hairless seems comical so no matter what, I always leave pubic hair covering them from the front.  My inner labia are asymmetrical with the right side hanging down past my outer labia with the left side staying snuggly inside.  My clit remains totally covered no matter what and when unaroused the hood hangs loosely on it.  I have a little scar along the edge of my labia minora where my ex accidently got his watch caught on it and it caused an infection which, when popped, left a small dented scar.  On either side of my clit are some puffy places that have been caused by my chronic masturbation.  Asthetically, my vulva leaves a lot to be desired.

If I were to consult a plastic surgeon, he’d probably suggest fat injections to my labia majora, he’d trim the right side of my labia minora to even things up, and maybe even tighten up some of the excess skin of my clitoral hood.  I’d also get the obligatory tightening procedure.  And I’d be a fool for doing it.

Vulvas look different.  There, I said it.  Every vulva is as unique as its owner.  You probably don’t look like your best friend at all facially, you probably have different body types, and it only goes to figure that your lady parts won’t be identical either.  Trying to say that a certain “look” is some how better than any other is about as effective as attempting to herd cats.

The idea of an “attractive” vulva is a result of the mainstreaming of pornography in our culture.  You see a porno, you see a vulva in that porno, you compare your vulva to that one, realize that they don’t match, then decide yours must be defective in some way because that one wouldn’t be on TV if it weren’t attractive.  Now, that happens thousands of times for decades and suddenly you have a market for a plastic surgery fad.

The thing is, vulvas are just…distinct.  Unless you are actually having a physical problem (your labia are so large they’re frequently getting in the way of every day tasks, for example) there’s no compelling reason to change it.  Remember what we talked about last week about how during sex men mostly think “OMG I’M HAVING SEX!!!!!11  THIS IS AWESOME!!!”?  That applies to your vulva as well.  In fact, studies have shown that when looking at naked women, men focus more on their faces than any other body part while women focus more on penii when viewing naked pictures of men.  The theory behind this is that men have a visible physical marker of whether or not they’re aroused (their penis) while women don’t, so men have to look at their faces to determine if there will be sex happening.  So chances are, you care more about how your bits look than your sexual partner does.  Even if his face is in it.  Yes really.

But WAIT!  I hear you say.  What about vaginal rejuvenation surgery?  Well, what about it?  Doesn’t it provide a greater sense of tightness for women post-childbirth thus making sex BETTER?  No, not really.  Huh?

Well, vaginal rejuvenation is very limited it what it can do.  In general, you’re going to get some tightening at the entrance but very little up the shoot.  Also, think about it, when was the last time you had a mindblowing orgasm from having something shoved up your vagina repeatedly?  And be honest here, because I’m thinking it wasn’t recently.  PLUS if you’re not having children one right on top of the other, your vagina is designed to stretch.  It’s what it does.  It’s what it was designed to do.  It will probably come back.  If you’d like things tighter in general, the only for sure method of getting tighter into your vagina rather than just the entrance is to do your Kegels.  You contract your pelvic floor muscles a whole lot and eventually the muscles get stronger and you feel tighter, plus you’ll be able to break the head off a chicken with your bad-ass vagina (not really, please don’t try that ever).

Quite frankly, unless you’re the victim of a rape from a fundamentalist religion where virginity is mandatory and you’ll be an outcast if you don’t have a hymen on your wedding night, there is VERY little reason to let a strange man down there with some sutures because there’s not a whole lot else he can do for your sex life.

Why should you listen to me?  Well, unlike Dr. Beverly Hills, I don’t have a Beemer to make payments on so I have absolutely nothing to gain from lying to you and making you feel bad.

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Religious Sex

August 14, 2008 · Filed under Hump Day · Tagged , , ,

To those westerners among us, the phrase “religious sex” sounds like an oxymoron.  Western religions tend to demonize sex and sexual activity and turn it into something to feel ashamed of.  I was actually raised Catholic, so imagine my surprise when I converted to Buddhism and then accidently found this page while wandering around the internet.

I picked the best religion a sex columnist could have.  I went from the most strict to the least strict on that site.

It’s a short post this week, because you’re going to want to spend a lot of time pondering your religion when you get back from the earlier mentioned page.

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Being Sexy: Body Image and You

August 12, 2008 · Filed under Girly Parts · Tagged , , , ,

[Eds Note:  Sorry this is a day late, Miss Moxie was overwhelmed by a migraine half way through writing this and had to put it off until today to finish.  We'll try not to let it happen again]

Hello, my lovelies!  Welcome back to Girly Parts, where the sex is always good and the men are always half-naked.

Now, y’all may not know this about me (my fiance sure didn’t until I told him last night while researching this) but my first great passion in life isn’t sex.  In fact, the good sex passion is actually an off-shoot of a previous obsession with feminism.  But my feminism obsession actually came from another source all together.  My first true great activism was for body image.  This was a few years ago, mostly throughout high school.  By college I’d moved on to full-fledged feminism (ohhh do I have essays I could show you on those subjects!) and now I’m on to sex activism.  But these three subjects are fairly well intertwined.  Oh sure, it’s easy to relate sex activism and body activism back to feminism, but how do they really relate to eachother as independant entities?  Actually, they’re as fundementally intertwined as babies and poo only a whole lot more fun (if you’re me and really dig this kind of thing).

Anyway, I remember watching The Colbert Report (because I’m a good little liberal whitey) and Leonard Nimoy was on discussing his coffee table book “The Full Body Project.” One thing he said really jumped out at me, I’m going to be forced to paraphrase here because I don’t have the episode in front of me right now, but he got very angry about the fact that apparently a lot of teenage girls are choosing to only have oral sex (and I think we all know that this doesn’t include cunnilingus) because they don’t want to be naked in front of anther person.  Now, I never had this problem because in high school I chose guys specifically who I knew probably couldn’t do any better but I can understand the sentiment behind it and I bet a good portion of the female population can as well.  I fell very much in love with Mr. Nimoy right around then because hey, if there’s one thing I love more than a feminist dude it’s a feminist dude who’s passionate about body image and sex equality.

It got me thinking though, are my two great passions more intertwined than even I thought initially?  So I decided to do some thinking and research on the topic because I’m not necessarily the bestest person to prove my own theory since I’ve been researching body image since as long as I can remember.

I asked a couple friends about it and both agreed that how they feel about their bodies has an effect on their sexual activity.  One in particular felt that she’d have led a better and “more exciting” life if she were thinner, while the other admitted that it effects her sex life but said if a guy is doing things right he can make her feel sexy and that’s enough.

The thing is, women in our culture are taught to be seen first and see second.  Take a gander at a few television commercials and think about what you see.  Really think about it.  How often do you see a camera focusing on a woman’s body parts or taking long slow pans up her body?  How often do you see an attractive woman with a man much less attractive than her?  How often do you see long lingering shots of a man’s body or see an attractive man with a less attractive woman?  The problem is way to complex for me to get into here, so I’ll redirect you to About-Face.org.  It’s okay, take your time.  I’ll be here when you come back.  Ready?  Alright, you may be thinking, “what the hell does this have to do with sex?”  Which is a valid question.  Now, think about this, how does the average woman stack up to a porn actress or Playboy Bunny?  Bingo.

Look, the average woman is not even close to the totally hairless, thin, large breasted ideal.  That doesn’t mean that some women don’t meet this ideal but a lot don’t.  The important thing you have to remember is that most people don’t.  This presents something of a pickle for me, because I’m writing a column on this which I assume most people would hope includes some solid advice on dealing with the problem.  Well, unfortunately there is no easy answer.  This is definitely a problem for society to deal with and I can’t give you a method for fixing it here.

The best I can offer are a few of my own techniques for not having a heart attack whenever I have to be naked with another person.

1)  Try to remember this person obviously wouldn’t be having sex with you if they weren’t at least a little attracted to you.
2)  The more you’re naked, the more comfortable you’re going to be naked.  It’s how strippers can be on stage naked day in and day out.  When you’re home alone, shut the blinds, strip, and do the dishes or vacuum or whatever else you want.  Then if you’re into that sort of thing, open the blinds.
2a) I’ve heard great things about stripping classes for confidence building, so make of that what you will.
3)  Remember that men have a zone they go into when they’re in the midst of sex.  They honestly don’t usually notice the bad things about your body that are painfully obvious to you because they’re too busy thinking “HOLY SHIT I’M GETTING LAID!!!!11″
4)  Remember that everyone looks different and most people don’t look like the ideal.  You’re probably not the first person that your partner has had sex with who isn’t a tall blonde skinny bombshell.
5)  ?????
6)  Profit!

So there’s your handy bit of advice from me to you for this week.  Remember kittens, sex is only as good as you make it.

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Sexy Link o’ The Whenever

August 7, 2008 · Filed under Hump Day · Tagged , , ,

This week, we’ll be doing a review of a super sexy blog.  For our inaugeral Link ‘o the Whenever, we’ll be discussing Smart Bitches, Trashy Books.  A site dedicated to romance novel reviews.

The Premise:

Smart bitches reviewing romance novels.

The Reality:

The smart bitches cover everything romance novels.  From snarking on the covers to covering the community, you can learn all kinds of fun things about your favorite bodice rippers just by perusing the page.  Definitely a must-read for anyone looking for some subtle sexy while riding the bus.  It’s not all Fabio and heaving chesticles anymore, there are some quite classy looking books now no matter what you happen to be into.

Be Sure Not to Miss:

The cover snarking!  These are the books you remember from your misspent youth of sneaking and reading the descriptions of the books in the grocery checkout line as a small child.

Miss Moxie Recommends:

The Cassie Edwards incident (Savagegate).  Hot Prairie Dog Lovin’ Plagiarism!

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Orgasms ‘n Stuff

August 5, 2008 · Filed under Girly Parts · Tagged , , , ,

Welcome back, inexperienced masturbaters and dudes who want to surprise their lady-friends!

Okay, this week will be the last in our ongoing series on how to figure out how to pleasure yourself and communicate your sexual desires to a partner.  We’re getting into the nitty-gritty here.  What do you need to do to get off?

Clitoral Orgasms:
First off, the clitoris can have a lot of variation in its size and shape.  On some women, it’s nearly non-existant while on others it seems like a mini-penis.  How can you tell if yours is normal?  If it’s on you and it’s not surgically altered, it’s normal.  Don’t worry.  On most women, the upper left corner is apparently the most sensitive (I read it some place, can’t remember where, and it stood out only because it’s true for me, so your mileage may vary here) but you’ll want to feel around to see where feels best for you.

During arousal, your clitoris will become engorged and swell a little.  Again, this is TOTALLY NORMAL.  The clitoris is analogus to the penis and they come from the same structure on babies before gender fully develops.  Think of it like a penis-analog during masturbation.  You don’t get a guy off by rubbing the head of his penis.  Well, I guess you could but it’d take a REALLY long time.  Regardless, your best method for getting a guy off is stroking the length of his penis.  This means you’ll want to rub the length of your clitoris probably from the sides or the top (on some women, the top may be too sensitive for this kind of treatment so if you’re not the lady in question, the sides may be your best bet).  Using 2 fingers on either side and maybe a third finger on top of the clit, use long, slow strokes.  Some women may like fingertips here, some may enjoy the previously mentioned slow strokes.  If you have a partner, once you’re sufficiently aroused, this may be a good time to attempt cunnilingus.  If you don’t or he has no idea what to do, then you’re fine doing what you’re doing.  This is also when you might be interested in adding a toy to the mix.  Vibrators applied directly to the clit work well and there are several varieties that are designed especially for this use.

A clitoral orgasm has been achieved when well, it feels like it.  Usual symptoms include:  The vaginal muscles contracting rhythmically, heavier breathing reaching a climax, and shakey legs.

Vaginal Orgasms:
Also known as g-spot orgasms, these suckers are hard to get and impossible for some women.  So be warned this could be messy and take a long time and not end with awesomely sweet orgasms.  That said, let’s get started!

Your first trick here is to not use fingers with long nails.  This can lead to bleeding and freaking out at 3 am that you’re going to die.  Just trust me that it’s a bad idea.  You may want to use a toy or at least trim your nails.  Trust me.  Your g-spot can be located by inserting your fingers into your vagina and doing what is usually described as a “come hither” motion.  Curl your fingers foreward and congratulations, that’s your g-spot.  Feeling orgasmic yet?  Yeah, it’s not QUITE what the ladies’ mags usually describe.

Okay, now your most direct method is just to start massaging this area with your fingertips.  You may also have better luck if you elevate your ass end using a pillow or rolled up towels (thinking about it, towels are a VERY good idea here).  You can also get a toy that is specifically designed for g-spot stimulation.  Basically, you just keep doing this until water squirts out or your arms fall off.  I mentioned the squirting, right?  Yeah, a g-spot orgasm comes complete with expelling fluid (which is NOT urine even though a lot of guys and girls tend to think it is) from your Skene’s gland, which is analogus to a man’s prostate.  It sounds a lot easier than it is, but it’s always fun to experiment and it does feel pretty cool.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve only had one of these in my life when I was 13 years old and the ejaculate scared the ever loving shit out of me and kind of ruined the moment.  I came pretty damn close a second time, but had grown longer fingernails by then and became convinced I was going to die and never tried again.  Don’t worry, I plan on giving it another good shot soon.

Now, a word about toys…
You may have noticed that I mentioned using toys a lot this week.  But how do you pick a good toy?  First, all toys should be made of surgical sillicone and at the very least needs to be water resistant.  Dishwasher safe is alsays a plus, as well.  There are lots of toys that include battery packs that are separate from the vibrating unit so you can avoid electrocution during play.  And remember, if nothing else you can always use a partner’s hand.

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Yep, we suck!

August 3, 2008 · Filed under Administrative

I know, I know.  It’s been kind of a lost week over here.  So Miss Moxie’s mom was coming into town and whisking her daughter away to the beach this weekend, right?  So Miss M wasn’t planning on doing an articles besides Girly Parts this week and had WDM scheduled to cover Thursday and Joe was going to be introducing a new comicy thing on Wednesday and all was going to be well in our happy little land of happy.  Except nothing is ever that simple.

Did you know that WDM is physically incapable of coughing up an article without someone standing over him with a pitchfork?  It’s okay, we love him anyway.  But yeah, so that didn’t work out too well.  And then apparently work got crazy over in Joe-land because he couldn’t do the comic this week.  It’s all cool, though.  The Fetish Faerie is still reliable.  So yeah, we were on vacation this week but didn’t tell anyone.  Howdy from the beach!

Anyway, we’ve taken steps to rectify this problem!  Long time friend of the editors, Floopyboo has now joined our little family here and will be taking over Thursdays from Miss M.  It probably won’t be called Blinded by SCIENCE anymore, but it will be updated regularly!  She’ll also be taking over the occasional Hump Day post.  We’ve also promoted Fetish Faerie from editor to admin, so she’s now able to harass and harangue the boys when they fall down on the job.  Hopefully with a bullwhip of some variety.

So to recap:  We suck, but we’ve hopefully taken care of it.  Keep on spankin!

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The Basics of Masturbation

July 29, 2008 · Filed under Girly Parts · Tagged , , ,

So last week, we talked about asking for what you want from your partner.  That’s an important part of any sexual relationship, and if you are incapable of doing it then you aren’t very likely to find yourself having mindblowingly good sex.  But what if you have another problem?  What if you just don’t know what you want?  Don’t worry, you’re not a total freak or prude and it’s nothing to be embarassed about.

Society as a whole doesn’t entirely understand the female orgasm or female pleasure.  We’ve based sex on reproduction and since the female orgasm isn’t necessary for reproduction it’s been tossed by the wayside.  Adding to this, there’s a social block on healthy images of female orgasms (you can see last week’s posting for more information on that) and a social stigma on girls experimenting sexually.  Once you factor in the location of the clitoris and the labia partially obstructing it, it’s easy to understand why young girls don’t necessarily understand how their bodies receive sexual pleasure (many men have stories about how they first discovered sexual pleasure accidently by having things brush against their penis or having water accidently hit it in the shower).  Many young women report not experiencing their first orgasm until they were in their late teens or 20’s.

So if you’ve gone this long without orgasms, how do you begin to understand them and have them?  Well, the thing is, everyone is different.  I can’t say, “Try this!  It’s AWESOME!” because it may not work for you.  The trick to having a satisfying sex life is to learn your preferences and to embrace them fully.  Some women get off on G-spot and penetration and for some it’s straight clit.  You may work best having a partner perform on you, you might prefer a toy, or you might just prefer good old fashioned manual stimulation.

Personally, I get off best just doing it myself with my hands.  I’m not a big fan of plastic downtown or things being too slick and smooth.  I need a lot of clitoral friction.  The Fetish Faerie is a fan of the G-spot. (Fetish Faerie’s note: I can only orgasm when I’m stroking my clit, though.)

So, if you really want to figure yourself out, you need to make a date with yourself.  Buy yourself a new toy, watch a sexy movie, draw a bath and go to town.

If you’re wanting to try clitoral stimulation, that’s the easiest one to get started with.  This should go without saying, but here’s how to find your clitoris:  insert one fingertip into your labia just outside your vagina.  Drag your finger slowly forward until you feel a bump.  That’s your clitoris.  Congratulations.

Now, if you’re going to use a toy, now’s the time to apply it.  Either apply it directly to your clit and rub it upside down or you can hold it still.  You can also insert it into your vagina for G-spot stimulation.  To find your G-spot, insert a finger into your vagina and curl it forward slightly. You’ll feel something slightly suedey.  That’s your G-spot.  Some people can have incredibly good orgasms simply from G-spot stimulation and some people can’t, so you may want to play around and see what happens.  A fair warning:  During a G-spot orgasm, you will expell a large amount of liquid.  This is not urine.  If you’re not expecting it, though, it’s really unnerving and surprising.

Next week, we’ll look at some ways to experiment and different types of toys.

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