Posts tagged condoms

Floopy Investigates a Fistful of Condoms

September 25, 2008 · Filed under Blinded by SCIENCE! · Tagged , , , , , , ,

Today I will be road-testing five different packets of condoms from a variety of manufacturers. Please remember that I cannot guarantee the availability of all condom varieties or brands where you are, and that what works for Mr Science and myself may not be suitable for you.

After a rather crabby three hour shopping trip, we finally got to what would in fantasy be a wall of condoms, and what in reality is easily rivaled by the contents of our lucky dip at home. We chose four different types, to the amusement of our cashier, which was joined by a fifth – our old faithful – which will serve as a benchmark.

First off the ranks is Durex Pleasuremax, which explains that the 12 ribbed and studded condoms within are designed to maximise pleasure. This remains to be seen.

Second up is Ansell Lifestyles Vibe, which has a glow in the dark condom inside. Since glowing green things bring back happy memories of a youth misspent, into the trolley it went. Well, we’ve both wanted to try out the vibrating condom for a while now, but we’ve both been burned with Ansell products before. I guess we’ll take one for science.

Third up to bat is Legends Rubbers (I wish I was joking) in a limited edition pop-art decorated tin. These proclaim their vegan goodness, so you can probably convince your PETA girlfriend that she’s not really eating your meat.

Fourth to play is Manix King Size Ultra Thin. Guaranteed to be thrown into the trolley by husbands and boytoys alike, being marketed directly at their manhood like that. Let’s just say that I didn’t put this one in the trolley, and leave it at that, shall we?

And fifth is the control is Sax Regular, without which the scientific nature of this test would be in question. It is also our perennial favourite, and the condom to which all others are compared.

And the Results:

Sax Regular (The Control): These condoms are strong & resistant to tearing. They come with light lubrication, although more is required for best functionality. I found little discomfort with this brand and found that always a little more lube went a long way. Mr Science finds this condom comfortable & easy to use. The reservoir tip is of adequate size, and the lower band is snug without being overly constricting. Semen remains inside the condom before, during & after removal. These condoms tend to be more comfortable for a wide or thick penis. Slenderly-endowed men may find narrower-fit condoms to be a better fit for them.

Ansell Glow (And Vibe): The lubricant used on the condoms is horrible and irritates the skin. It is definitely not something you want near your tender bits without warning. The vibe is a great idea, but fails on the design. It really is a novelty item. The bullet sits in exactly the right place to hinder enthusiastic sex, which is a pity because if it was just that little bit wider, they’d be on to a winner. And the condoms themselves? Well, I didn’t like them ten years ago, and nothing has changed in a decade.

Legends Rubbers: Love the decorative case. Scratch that, I adore the decorative case. I’d buy it for the case alone. In fact I have several of them. Pity the condoms within aren’t up to scratch. They tend to run on the diminutive side, and the lubricant is rather greasy. Also they are rather thin, leading to quite a few moments of tension as hands reached down to make sure the condom still actually existed.

Manix King Size: Firstly, let me say one thing to Manix. LIARS! You’re a bunch of misleading, ego-pandering liars. The only thing “king size” about this condom is the purchaser’s ego. These suckers are smaller than the Legends, which defies imagination. And the smell? Oh gods, it’s vomitous, and clearly designed to disguise the smell of guys with poor genital hygiene. They tear if you look at them sideways. I used to say ‘if it’s not on, it’s not on!’ but in the case of this brand, I would say ‘How about no?’. Avoid at all costs.

Durex Pleasuremax: There is only one thing I really need to say about this condom: “Truth in advertising”. We have added them to the treasure trove. This brand’s a keeper. It has a good balance between thickness and strength. Comfortable & secure, they are a welcome addition to the stash.

Always experiment with condoms, and have at least three times as many as you think you will need. They need to be thrown out if they get put on inside-out, or if they slip off or feel baggy or constricting. Always remove all hand jewelry before applying a condom because jewelry can tear the condom, or worse – your lover’s genitals! Be sensible, use plenty of lube, and remember to have fun.

Floopyboo

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Condoms, STDs and a lecture

August 24, 2008 · Filed under Cyn's Sins · Tagged , , , ,

Sorry it’s late guys, I had it set to auto publish, but apparently I did it wrong.

Aids, Herpes, Genital Warts, fun fun fun stuff, none of them are curable, maybe controllable, one of them fatal. One could lead to cancer. There are tons of others that are curable but, why would you want those either? STDs. Now, maybe it’s because I am a pre-med student, or perhaps I just don’t like the idea of cauliflower growing on my genitals, but I am just a little concerned about STDs. As I mentioned before, I was in a 7 year relationship where I had little to worry about. Since then I have been “slutting it up” for lack of a better term, and they seem to be on my mind a lot more lately. Better on my mind than on my genitals I’d say. In the last 5 months or so I have had sexual contact with..(counts on fingers)…6 guys, 4 of which included actual intercourse. Of the 4 that involved intercourse, only one was open to talking about protection. Maybe it’s because we talked a lot on the internet before ever meeting, so it wasn’t something that hadto be brought up in the heat of the moment, but honestly, I think he’s a smart enough guy to bring it up anyway. He’s the only one I ended up not using protection with because we knew we were both clean.

So why is it that guys…and perhaps girls…don’t worry about protecting themselves? With cockyguy he didn’t bring it up and when I did he told me that he thought that STDs weren’t that common and were completely blown out of proportion. He wasn’t happy about the condom, but considering the guy was cheating on his girlfriend with me and god knows how many others, I wasn’t going to take the chance. I feel sorry for his girlfriend.

Daddyguy also didn’t bring it up, which, I found really odd because I’d think he’d be concerned where I’d been since I’m the young cute single blond with no morals. He’s got kids to think about for god sakes. Which brings up a side point…not any of these guys asked if I was on birth control.

Cuteboy was probably the funniest. It got down to the moment and I asked if he had a condom. I wasn’t expecting to sleep with him that night and I was out. He’s said no. So I went to 711 and bought the first ones I saw. I’m not a condom expert, I just buy whatever’s there. I got back to the room and he get upset that I didn’t buy extra large condoms. Now how in the world would I have known to do that? If you’re a guy and you really do need extra larges, carry them with you!

So, none of these guys wanted to wear condoms, but all of them tried to convince me they were clean and always were safe with other partners. Why in the world would I believe them when they were about to do me without even broaching the topic? Without even worrying about what I might have.

So, are people just uneducated or do they just hate condoms enough to risk a deadly disease? I hate condoms, but I believe they are a necessary evil and until I’m sure that somebody is clean, I’m not willing to risk cauliflower warts for 10 minutes of mediocre sex. I know we live in a time of abstinence only education, but obviously these guys aren’t being abstinent and obviously this education is not working.

As for the birth control aspect, Cuteboy actually said that he didn’t believe it was his problem. I told him it would be his problem when he was being sued for child support. Now, I’m one of those girls who think it’s absolutely despicable when girls get pregnant on purpose or lie about being on birth control or try to trap a guy with a baby, but guys, you can prevent this buy wearing a condom. You do have some control over this!

So there you have it guys and girls. Use protection. Condoms are the only birth control that prevents the spread of STDs.

Now for a little lecturing:

If you think you may have an STD please get it checked out and don’t sleep with anybody until you know what’s going on. We all have the responsibility to reduce the spread of these diseases. Many health clinics offer free anonymous testing for both men and women. To find a site near you call your local health department or go here http://www.hivtest.org/ I just had a test done, I do it regularly. It’s not that scary and some sites even have tests that give results in 20 minutes. That site also has information about STDs and their symptoms and treatments. Check it out. And if you have any questions, I would be happy to try to help, you can e-mail me at cynsins@gmail.com .

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Lowering Your Expectations, A Very Special Girly Parts

July 14, 2008 · Filed under Girly Parts · Tagged , , , , ,

Hello and welcome to the inaugural edition of Girly Parts.  Today we will tackle a subject that many of you will giggle knowingly at and many others will squirm uncomfortably.

Yes, that’s right, today we’re going to discuss losing your virginity.  I know, I know.  Ask a group of women what you should know about losing your virginity and you’re going to get a round of “lower your expectations!”  However, that’s usually not what you want to hear.

Anyway, a (male) friend of mine recently asked for anything he could pass on to a female friend who was considering taking the plunge and “taking things to the next level” for the first time.  She was nervous about the pain.  Since I am nothing if not helpful, I figured I’d take a shot at answering this most basic of questions.

Everyone has a story about her first time.  Usually, they’re not the most complementary towards the men who we lost them to.  The entire process is kind of uncomfortable, a little squicky, and depending on how experienced your partner is, may not even last more than a minute or 2.  My first time was one of the most uncomfortable 45 seconds of my teenage life.  It actually went so fast, the virgin I lost my virginity to lied and said he lost his erection rather than admit how fast the whole thing really went.  Basically, it’s not a magical wonderful experience unless you’re lucky.

There are things you can do to make it slightly better or worse depending on your unique situation.

First, is your lucky guy also a virgin or does he have some experience?  A more experienced guy will last longer than a virgin (which may or may not be beneficial as we’ll see later) and will (theoretically) know more about foreplay.

Second, you need to decide whether or not you’ll be able to break your own hymen.  The hymen actually breaking is the most painful part of the entire process.  Will you be able to actually be the one to break it or will you need someone else to do it?  If you think you can do it, you can actually break it yourself using a dildo or vibrator (please by a normal sized one as there is no way you need a gigantic meat staff for this process and smaller would be better at this point).  Or you can be on top during sex and lower yourself down slowly to control how much it hurts.  Then there are people like me, there’s absolutely no way I could have been on top my first time.  I’d have honestly never done anything.  I flat out told the guy up front to just make it quick and not worry about it hurting, because it probably would and I just wanted it over with.  Now, it turns out my hymen had already been ruptured accidently by a marathon masturbation session a few years beforehand, so while it only lasted about 45 seconds, it really wasn’t painful.  But the reason I remember the marathon masturbation session is because afterwards I was walking funny because of how sore I still was.  So yeah, if your hymen is still in tact, it’s going to hurt a lot.  It’s hard to explain the pain, but I promise it doesn’t hurt so bad as to be insurmountable.

Now, the most important thing is to remember to put on a condom!  We have information on that, so I’ll skip the details.  Just remember to wear them!  You really can get pregnant your first time and if he’s not a virgin or is an intravenous drug user, you can get an STD.  Just wear one.  Every time!  All the time!

After condoms, the second most important thing is lube.  Lots of lube.  This can be natural or store-bought.  For natural lube, you’re going to need foreplay!  This is suggested regardless of the lube situation, but oral sex, manual stimulation, and porn can all be used to fill this need.  Anything to get you wet will work.  Foreplay will be another article, don’t worry.

For store bought lubes, you’re going to want to get something waterbased, latex safe, and not sugary (no probably nothing flavored).  KY, Astroglide, and almost anything that can be bought at the supermarket in the “family planning” department usually work, but they should definitely say either “water based” or “latex safe” on the bottle just to be safe.

And finally, as in all areas of sexuality, communication is key.  If you can’t discuss with your partner what you need then you should not be having sex with them (definitely not losing your virginity to them).  Are you going to need to be the one on top or are you going to need him to do the quick and you’re done?  What kind of foreplay will you need?  This is always a weird discussion, but trust me when I say that it will make a world of difference later on when you’re in bed and gettin’ busy.

Oh, and lower your expectations.

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How To Use a Condom

July 10, 2008 · Filed under Filler · Tagged , ,

Well, our Thursday article will be late if it comes at all, so I’m posting this classic Miss Moxie post from my other blog in apology.

Disclaimer: This blog is not a medical professional or a substitute for one. Please consult a doctor if you’re REALLY concerned about avoding disease and pregnancy. But since you’re a lazy cheap skate or a scared 15 year old and probably WON’T consult a doctor, this is what I do whenever I have to put a condom on a guy and no babies so far on this end. But do not confuse this for professional advice. Seriously. I suck.  Please don’t sue me if you get the herp.

Anyway, most guys do not put condoms on properly. They just grab them and pull them on which, while it will put a condom over a wang, does not necessarily prevent breakage. So I don’t even bother asking the guy anymore, I just do it myself.

  1. If your dude is uncirced, ask if he wants his foreskin up or down. This is a tip from my friend Boo, so if your guy is like mine, he’ll go “I dunno…” and then you just procede to step 2.
  2. Unwrap the condom by holding the package in both hands and tearing CAREFULLY to the side of the condom. Don’t use your teeth or any other tearing instruments besides your fingers. This can only end badly.
  3. Place the condom at the tip of the peen so that the “resevoir tip” is facing up and it will roll downwards.
  4. Pinch the tip (DO NOT USE FINGERNAILS!!!!). The fingerprint part of your fingertip is the preferred pinching method and it’s not a pinch so much as a squish. Mind the penis as most men tend to get a little testy if you pinch any member of their anatomy.
  5. While holding the condom over the top of the penis (if you line your fingers up with the urethra, you’re in the right place most likely) use your OTHER hand to carefully unwrap it straight down the participating wang. My favorite method is to make an OKAY symbol with your thumb and forefinger (or middle finger depending on the girth) above the condom and slide down to pull it down all the way. As sexy as it is when strippers do it, this is not the time to practice the oral application technique as it can cause tearing if you use your teeth and condoms generally taste like ass.
  6. Repeat steps 2-5 as necessary until one of those suckers stays on.
  7. Commence forking.
  8. Once the forking has ceased, pull out immediately afterwards, slide it off, and toss in the trash.  Otherwise, you run the risk of it staying when he pulls out and that’s not fun for anyone.

You also may want to lube generously, but I’ve never had that be necessary.  However, if you feel any kind of friction burns then go ahead and squirt in some water based latex safe lube.  KY and lubes they sell in the “Family Planning” section of your local megamart or porn store are usually safe.  No lotions though, as this will tear the latex.

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