Posts tagged orgasm

Project Phallus – session 04 “ a Very Special Episode” or “my Drug of Choice”

September 7, 2008 · Filed under Project Phallus · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

401- I Digress

Obviously, I haven’t been writing as many columns as there have been weeks since I started. There is a very simple reason for that.  It is very difficult to write a column about sex without actually HAVING any sex.  In fact, having to sit down and write about sex is about the last thing I want to do when the only thing on my mind is how badly I need it.
So in stead of just giving up writing the column for a while, like a sane person would do, Moxie, Cyn, and Floopy unanimously declared that I should write a piece about it.
What the hizzy?
All I’d be doing is whining and bitching, but, I guess majority rules. Besides it makes a nice counter to last weeks’ ‘Cyn’s Sins’

402- Build Up

So, to avoid all the bitching, I need to make it relevant, which requires explanation. Also introversion and self analysis. Luckily these are my strong point these days.

I’m a guy (shock!)
stereotypically a guy is never not in the mood. And while the stereotype is most definitely bosh as many of my female friends have been dismayed to discover, such is not the case for me. In a previous column I’ve mentioned that I masturbate quite a bit. Lets say a rough average of 6 orgasms a day. It fluctuates quite a bit, and I often don’t actually proceed all the way to orgasm, but it’s pretty apparent from that that I don’t have much in the way of a recuperation time. I think my record is 4 orgasms in an hour.

So, yes, drop your pants and biologically I’m ready to go, (possibly even halfway there already)

403- Mind Games

But, if it was just a matter of orgasm, then why is a willing female even necessary? Let alone having to go through all the hassle of getting into her pants and between her legs (or etceteras)

The very definition of intercourse is the act of connecting with someone. And really, I think that that is sex’s biggest draw. Having sex is like proof that you aren’t isolated and alone in an uncaring ball of spinning dust. At that moment there is at least one person who is intensely interested in your well being, or, in the very worst cases would find t rather inconvenient if you died suddenly and unexpectedly. It is concrete evidence that you matter in those brief minutes or hours, and maybe more importantly, that someone matters to you.

Which brings us to the second biggest draw of sex, Intimacy. It is very difficult to be physically closer to another human being then by placing a part or your body inside a part of theirs. And it is very hard not to crave that closeness when things just  ‘work’ between two people. I mean this primarily in the sense of physical attractiveness, but it can be just as intense when you come across a mental or emotional connection. And if it is a combination of two or all three, well, I hope it works out for you, because it can be an incredible crash if it doesn’t.

There are purely personal, almost child-like, reasons for desiring sex too. All the textures and sensations, (and sights and tastes, and sounds) that can occur, having intercourse can turn into an almost infinite variety of adventures, depending on the scope of your imagination. It can almost be a thing of wonder exploring a person’s contours for the first time, parallel to Christmas morning when you were 8.

And, of coarse, who can forget the narcotic aspect of sex? Orgasms release endorphins, and few chemicals can top those for fighting depression.  So sex reactively becomes a method of relieving tension. Literally all my stress goes into my penis. This could be the curse of being a non-violent, drug-free male. I just want to explode, but the only place I can do that is in my pants.

Here is the best part:

So if I’m having a shitty and stress-drenched time of things and all I want to do is relax and get close to someone, but the option isn’t there, then I’m stuck. Call it a blockage in the river. The tension has no satisfying release, and ironically that causes more tension. And that causes a rather pissy Joe.
On top of this, when facing a deficiency in one of the other areas where sex can be a bandage, the tension get be almost double. In these cases there are all those feelings of loneliness or boredom, that not only don’t get fulfilled, but their lack of fulfillment causes tension in itself, which leads to horniness. Which leads to a really pissy Joe

And that, in short, is why I really really need to get laid more often.

404- Errata

Note that I haven’t mentioned anything about love, I did cover intimacy, which is thematically similar, but love goes beyond all that by many many levels. All I’m doing here is bitching about not getting laid though, The tribulations of Love can go in a different column.

As for the next session, Moxie compromised on me not quitting, and now I’m bimonthly, alternating Sundays, with Cyn’s Sins. Which is nice because it gives us both time to build up material, and, hell, probably tag team topics.

As always, Questions and comments are strongly welcome,

FOR SCIENCE (and mental well being)!

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Floopy Investigates the Orgasm & how to Fake it

August 28, 2008 · Filed under Blinded by SCIENCE! · Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

I most sincerely apologise for my incredibly misleading title, as this article is about how to fake your body into achieving an orgasm without using anything but the orgasm muscles themselves. The alternative title was going to be “Look Ma, No Hands!” but a) It doesn’t really work with “Floopy Investigates” and b) that’s really fucking creepy anyway. At least it is if you have my mother.

Last week I talked about the muscles you use to fuck, so with any luck you’ve had a week to practice isolating individual muscles. That practice is really going to come in handy.

Back in the early 90s, there was much joy & hooplah about how exercising your pelvic floor can do wonders for the tone of your vagina. Well, I was a little bit of a kegel addict, so I found out by accident that if you do enough of them, or do them fast enough, they trigger anything from a mild, pleasant tingle up to a mind-blowing orgasm – without using your hands.

Enough can be somewhere between 50 & 200 clenches, less if you cum at the drop of a hat. Fast enough…. well, once you’re at the stage where more than 50 in a row is a breeze, you will find that you can pick up the pace somewhat.

The problem with kegel exercises is that they can be so poorly described that you may end up isolating the transverse abdominus by mistake. If you do, just remember how you did it, because it’s a good idea to isolate and tone those muscles too. Kegel exercises feel like you’ve taken a vaginal orgasm & slowed it down by about 200%.

To do a kegel exercise, try to make all the walls inside your vagina touch each other. Draw it in nice & tight, and hold that for as long as you can. Now, slowly release the muscles as smoothly as you can. Start by doing five in a row, and then take a break for as long as it took you to do those five, and then do them again. Depending on your level of fitness, it may take you anywhere from a few days to a few months to get up to 20, and the idea is to relax & enjoy yourself. If you feel like you’re going to cum, go with it, that’s the point.

If you are having trouble drawing in & out, put something clean & well-lubed into your vagina. This can be your finger(s), your favourite dildo, or your current bed-partner. Actually, if you swing that way, get the boyfriend, because he will love you for this, and you’ll get some all important feedback. If you are using a prosthesis or your fingers, follow the directions above.

If you are going with the boyfriend option, here’s what you do. First up, get the boy all pointy, wearing of condom & lubed up. Then tell him to lie flat on his back, and tell him he is not allowed to move at all. Now, slide on top of him, and once you are comfortable, draw your vaginal muscles in so they are gripping his penis as firmly as you can, then slowly release the muscles. Ask him to tell you what it feels like. Most likely he will say that it feels like you’re giving him head with your vagina, or that it feels kind of fluttery. That’s fine & it means you’re doing well. Keep practicing until you can stand the madness no longer.

After a few months, you should be at a point where you are physically capable of the level of repetition or speed required to get you off. Go at it. Keep practicing. If it doesn’t get you off, it should at least have taught you some fun new tricks in the bedroom & have increased your stamina.

Floopyboo

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Orgasms ‘n Stuff

August 5, 2008 · Filed under Girly Parts · Tagged , , , ,

Welcome back, inexperienced masturbaters and dudes who want to surprise their lady-friends!

Okay, this week will be the last in our ongoing series on how to figure out how to pleasure yourself and communicate your sexual desires to a partner.  We’re getting into the nitty-gritty here.  What do you need to do to get off?

Clitoral Orgasms:
First off, the clitoris can have a lot of variation in its size and shape.  On some women, it’s nearly non-existant while on others it seems like a mini-penis.  How can you tell if yours is normal?  If it’s on you and it’s not surgically altered, it’s normal.  Don’t worry.  On most women, the upper left corner is apparently the most sensitive (I read it some place, can’t remember where, and it stood out only because it’s true for me, so your mileage may vary here) but you’ll want to feel around to see where feels best for you.

During arousal, your clitoris will become engorged and swell a little.  Again, this is TOTALLY NORMAL.  The clitoris is analogus to the penis and they come from the same structure on babies before gender fully develops.  Think of it like a penis-analog during masturbation.  You don’t get a guy off by rubbing the head of his penis.  Well, I guess you could but it’d take a REALLY long time.  Regardless, your best method for getting a guy off is stroking the length of his penis.  This means you’ll want to rub the length of your clitoris probably from the sides or the top (on some women, the top may be too sensitive for this kind of treatment so if you’re not the lady in question, the sides may be your best bet).  Using 2 fingers on either side and maybe a third finger on top of the clit, use long, slow strokes.  Some women may like fingertips here, some may enjoy the previously mentioned slow strokes.  If you have a partner, once you’re sufficiently aroused, this may be a good time to attempt cunnilingus.  If you don’t or he has no idea what to do, then you’re fine doing what you’re doing.  This is also when you might be interested in adding a toy to the mix.  Vibrators applied directly to the clit work well and there are several varieties that are designed especially for this use.

A clitoral orgasm has been achieved when well, it feels like it.  Usual symptoms include:  The vaginal muscles contracting rhythmically, heavier breathing reaching a climax, and shakey legs.

Vaginal Orgasms:
Also known as g-spot orgasms, these suckers are hard to get and impossible for some women.  So be warned this could be messy and take a long time and not end with awesomely sweet orgasms.  That said, let’s get started!

Your first trick here is to not use fingers with long nails.  This can lead to bleeding and freaking out at 3 am that you’re going to die.  Just trust me that it’s a bad idea.  You may want to use a toy or at least trim your nails.  Trust me.  Your g-spot can be located by inserting your fingers into your vagina and doing what is usually described as a “come hither” motion.  Curl your fingers foreward and congratulations, that’s your g-spot.  Feeling orgasmic yet?  Yeah, it’s not QUITE what the ladies’ mags usually describe.

Okay, now your most direct method is just to start massaging this area with your fingertips.  You may also have better luck if you elevate your ass end using a pillow or rolled up towels (thinking about it, towels are a VERY good idea here).  You can also get a toy that is specifically designed for g-spot stimulation.  Basically, you just keep doing this until water squirts out or your arms fall off.  I mentioned the squirting, right?  Yeah, a g-spot orgasm comes complete with expelling fluid (which is NOT urine even though a lot of guys and girls tend to think it is) from your Skene’s gland, which is analogus to a man’s prostate.  It sounds a lot easier than it is, but it’s always fun to experiment and it does feel pretty cool.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve only had one of these in my life when I was 13 years old and the ejaculate scared the ever loving shit out of me and kind of ruined the moment.  I came pretty damn close a second time, but had grown longer fingernails by then and became convinced I was going to die and never tried again.  Don’t worry, I plan on giving it another good shot soon.

Now, a word about toys…
You may have noticed that I mentioned using toys a lot this week.  But how do you pick a good toy?  First, all toys should be made of surgical sillicone and at the very least needs to be water resistant.  Dishwasher safe is alsays a plus, as well.  There are lots of toys that include battery packs that are separate from the vibrating unit so you can avoid electrocution during play.  And remember, if nothing else you can always use a partner’s hand.

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The Basics of Masturbation

July 29, 2008 · Filed under Girly Parts · Tagged , , ,

So last week, we talked about asking for what you want from your partner.  That’s an important part of any sexual relationship, and if you are incapable of doing it then you aren’t very likely to find yourself having mindblowingly good sex.  But what if you have another problem?  What if you just don’t know what you want?  Don’t worry, you’re not a total freak or prude and it’s nothing to be embarassed about.

Society as a whole doesn’t entirely understand the female orgasm or female pleasure.  We’ve based sex on reproduction and since the female orgasm isn’t necessary for reproduction it’s been tossed by the wayside.  Adding to this, there’s a social block on healthy images of female orgasms (you can see last week’s posting for more information on that) and a social stigma on girls experimenting sexually.  Once you factor in the location of the clitoris and the labia partially obstructing it, it’s easy to understand why young girls don’t necessarily understand how their bodies receive sexual pleasure (many men have stories about how they first discovered sexual pleasure accidently by having things brush against their penis or having water accidently hit it in the shower).  Many young women report not experiencing their first orgasm until they were in their late teens or 20’s.

So if you’ve gone this long without orgasms, how do you begin to understand them and have them?  Well, the thing is, everyone is different.  I can’t say, “Try this!  It’s AWESOME!” because it may not work for you.  The trick to having a satisfying sex life is to learn your preferences and to embrace them fully.  Some women get off on G-spot and penetration and for some it’s straight clit.  You may work best having a partner perform on you, you might prefer a toy, or you might just prefer good old fashioned manual stimulation.

Personally, I get off best just doing it myself with my hands.  I’m not a big fan of plastic downtown or things being too slick and smooth.  I need a lot of clitoral friction.  The Fetish Faerie is a fan of the G-spot. (Fetish Faerie’s note: I can only orgasm when I’m stroking my clit, though.)

So, if you really want to figure yourself out, you need to make a date with yourself.  Buy yourself a new toy, watch a sexy movie, draw a bath and go to town.

If you’re wanting to try clitoral stimulation, that’s the easiest one to get started with.  This should go without saying, but here’s how to find your clitoris:  insert one fingertip into your labia just outside your vagina.  Drag your finger slowly forward until you feel a bump.  That’s your clitoris.  Congratulations.

Now, if you’re going to use a toy, now’s the time to apply it.  Either apply it directly to your clit and rub it upside down or you can hold it still.  You can also insert it into your vagina for G-spot stimulation.  To find your G-spot, insert a finger into your vagina and curl it forward slightly. You’ll feel something slightly suedey.  That’s your G-spot.  Some people can have incredibly good orgasms simply from G-spot stimulation and some people can’t, so you may want to play around and see what happens.  A fair warning:  During a G-spot orgasm, you will expell a large amount of liquid.  This is not urine.  If you’re not expecting it, though, it’s really unnerving and surprising.

Next week, we’ll look at some ways to experiment and different types of toys.

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