Posts tagged orgasms

Project Phallus – session 04 “ a Very Special Episode” or “my Drug of Choice”

September 7, 2008 · Filed under Project Phallus · Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , ,

401- I Digress

Obviously, I haven’t been writing as many columns as there have been weeks since I started. There is a very simple reason for that.  It is very difficult to write a column about sex without actually HAVING any sex.  In fact, having to sit down and write about sex is about the last thing I want to do when the only thing on my mind is how badly I need it.
So in stead of just giving up writing the column for a while, like a sane person would do, Moxie, Cyn, and Floopy unanimously declared that I should write a piece about it.
What the hizzy?
All I’d be doing is whining and bitching, but, I guess majority rules. Besides it makes a nice counter to last weeks’ ‘Cyn’s Sins’

402- Build Up

So, to avoid all the bitching, I need to make it relevant, which requires explanation. Also introversion and self analysis. Luckily these are my strong point these days.

I’m a guy (shock!)
stereotypically a guy is never not in the mood. And while the stereotype is most definitely bosh as many of my female friends have been dismayed to discover, such is not the case for me. In a previous column I’ve mentioned that I masturbate quite a bit. Lets say a rough average of 6 orgasms a day. It fluctuates quite a bit, and I often don’t actually proceed all the way to orgasm, but it’s pretty apparent from that that I don’t have much in the way of a recuperation time. I think my record is 4 orgasms in an hour.

So, yes, drop your pants and biologically I’m ready to go, (possibly even halfway there already)

403- Mind Games

But, if it was just a matter of orgasm, then why is a willing female even necessary? Let alone having to go through all the hassle of getting into her pants and between her legs (or etceteras)

The very definition of intercourse is the act of connecting with someone. And really, I think that that is sex’s biggest draw. Having sex is like proof that you aren’t isolated and alone in an uncaring ball of spinning dust. At that moment there is at least one person who is intensely interested in your well being, or, in the very worst cases would find t rather inconvenient if you died suddenly and unexpectedly. It is concrete evidence that you matter in those brief minutes or hours, and maybe more importantly, that someone matters to you.

Which brings us to the second biggest draw of sex, Intimacy. It is very difficult to be physically closer to another human being then by placing a part or your body inside a part of theirs. And it is very hard not to crave that closeness when things just  ‘work’ between two people. I mean this primarily in the sense of physical attractiveness, but it can be just as intense when you come across a mental or emotional connection. And if it is a combination of two or all three, well, I hope it works out for you, because it can be an incredible crash if it doesn’t.

There are purely personal, almost child-like, reasons for desiring sex too. All the textures and sensations, (and sights and tastes, and sounds) that can occur, having intercourse can turn into an almost infinite variety of adventures, depending on the scope of your imagination. It can almost be a thing of wonder exploring a person’s contours for the first time, parallel to Christmas morning when you were 8.

And, of coarse, who can forget the narcotic aspect of sex? Orgasms release endorphins, and few chemicals can top those for fighting depression.  So sex reactively becomes a method of relieving tension. Literally all my stress goes into my penis. This could be the curse of being a non-violent, drug-free male. I just want to explode, but the only place I can do that is in my pants.

Here is the best part:

So if I’m having a shitty and stress-drenched time of things and all I want to do is relax and get close to someone, but the option isn’t there, then I’m stuck. Call it a blockage in the river. The tension has no satisfying release, and ironically that causes more tension. And that causes a rather pissy Joe.
On top of this, when facing a deficiency in one of the other areas where sex can be a bandage, the tension get be almost double. In these cases there are all those feelings of loneliness or boredom, that not only don’t get fulfilled, but their lack of fulfillment causes tension in itself, which leads to horniness. Which leads to a really pissy Joe

And that, in short, is why I really really need to get laid more often.

404- Errata

Note that I haven’t mentioned anything about love, I did cover intimacy, which is thematically similar, but love goes beyond all that by many many levels. All I’m doing here is bitching about not getting laid though, The tribulations of Love can go in a different column.

As for the next session, Moxie compromised on me not quitting, and now I’m bimonthly, alternating Sundays, with Cyn’s Sins. Which is nice because it gives us both time to build up material, and, hell, probably tag team topics.

As always, Questions and comments are strongly welcome,

FOR SCIENCE (and mental well being)!

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Hump Day: Lady’s Night

August 29, 2008 · Filed under Hump Day · Tagged , ,

[Ed's Note: Sorry this is a little late. Miss Moxie was sitting on the questions and planned on posting at her father's after running errands, but his internet was down when she got there. Whoops. Anyway, enjoy!]

In the Pokey

Just a quick hymen question. Wondering about the biology of this. Neither I nor my best friend bled when we lost our virginity. We bled the second time. Why the heck is that?

Miss Moxie:
Wow, honestly I have no idea. All I can think is you may have been better lubricated the first time than the second time or you put more into foreplay because of the worry.

Fetish Faerie:
Could’ve produced less lubrication the second time around. Guy could’ve been harder. Variety of factors involved here.

Cyn:

Uh….. what they said. Or maybe he put a razor blade in his dick. Like those psychos that put them in apples on Halloween. Hmm, maybe that’ll make my neighbor’s kids shut up. God why aren’t after birth abortions legal?

Waiting to Exhale

How do you “know” you’ve had an orgasm? I mean, I’m pretty sure I have, but there is always the feeling like maybe if I had held back and let it build up more it might have been bigger or better and I would have known for sure. How can one be positive one has achieved orgasm?

Miss Moxie:
Can I say ‘both’ without freaking you out totally? Because I’m going to say you’re right on both counts. First thing, physically you’ve had an orgasm when the walls of your vagina start contracting on their own. But the good thing about being a lady is that you can keep holding out for a certain amount of time and it’ll explode. I’ve personally worked myself to the brink several times to the point that a simple touch was enough to get me to start orgasming and shaking. It’s good clean wholesome fun and definitely something to try out when you have a few hours to yourself. I wouldn’t try this when someone else is getting you off because it can cause frustration and sore arms on the part of your participant. Plus it’s hard to fine-tune like that with someone else.

Floopyboo:
Orgasms are different for everyone. My advice to you would be to take a tip from biology class & keep testing until you have a conclusive result. That is, try again & again just to be sure. It’s a proven method for getting results.

Cyni:

Oh you just know. If you’re not sure, I’m guessing you probably didn’t have one. I thought I had had orgasms until I really had one, then I was like….oh…ok…..I get it now. Unless maybe you’re having vaginal orgasms instead of clitoral. I dunno. Keep trying I guess.

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Orgasms ‘n Stuff

August 5, 2008 · Filed under Girly Parts · Tagged , , , ,

Welcome back, inexperienced masturbaters and dudes who want to surprise their lady-friends!

Okay, this week will be the last in our ongoing series on how to figure out how to pleasure yourself and communicate your sexual desires to a partner.  We’re getting into the nitty-gritty here.  What do you need to do to get off?

Clitoral Orgasms:
First off, the clitoris can have a lot of variation in its size and shape.  On some women, it’s nearly non-existant while on others it seems like a mini-penis.  How can you tell if yours is normal?  If it’s on you and it’s not surgically altered, it’s normal.  Don’t worry.  On most women, the upper left corner is apparently the most sensitive (I read it some place, can’t remember where, and it stood out only because it’s true for me, so your mileage may vary here) but you’ll want to feel around to see where feels best for you.

During arousal, your clitoris will become engorged and swell a little.  Again, this is TOTALLY NORMAL.  The clitoris is analogus to the penis and they come from the same structure on babies before gender fully develops.  Think of it like a penis-analog during masturbation.  You don’t get a guy off by rubbing the head of his penis.  Well, I guess you could but it’d take a REALLY long time.  Regardless, your best method for getting a guy off is stroking the length of his penis.  This means you’ll want to rub the length of your clitoris probably from the sides or the top (on some women, the top may be too sensitive for this kind of treatment so if you’re not the lady in question, the sides may be your best bet).  Using 2 fingers on either side and maybe a third finger on top of the clit, use long, slow strokes.  Some women may like fingertips here, some may enjoy the previously mentioned slow strokes.  If you have a partner, once you’re sufficiently aroused, this may be a good time to attempt cunnilingus.  If you don’t or he has no idea what to do, then you’re fine doing what you’re doing.  This is also when you might be interested in adding a toy to the mix.  Vibrators applied directly to the clit work well and there are several varieties that are designed especially for this use.

A clitoral orgasm has been achieved when well, it feels like it.  Usual symptoms include:  The vaginal muscles contracting rhythmically, heavier breathing reaching a climax, and shakey legs.

Vaginal Orgasms:
Also known as g-spot orgasms, these suckers are hard to get and impossible for some women.  So be warned this could be messy and take a long time and not end with awesomely sweet orgasms.  That said, let’s get started!

Your first trick here is to not use fingers with long nails.  This can lead to bleeding and freaking out at 3 am that you’re going to die.  Just trust me that it’s a bad idea.  You may want to use a toy or at least trim your nails.  Trust me.  Your g-spot can be located by inserting your fingers into your vagina and doing what is usually described as a “come hither” motion.  Curl your fingers foreward and congratulations, that’s your g-spot.  Feeling orgasmic yet?  Yeah, it’s not QUITE what the ladies’ mags usually describe.

Okay, now your most direct method is just to start massaging this area with your fingertips.  You may also have better luck if you elevate your ass end using a pillow or rolled up towels (thinking about it, towels are a VERY good idea here).  You can also get a toy that is specifically designed for g-spot stimulation.  Basically, you just keep doing this until water squirts out or your arms fall off.  I mentioned the squirting, right?  Yeah, a g-spot orgasm comes complete with expelling fluid (which is NOT urine even though a lot of guys and girls tend to think it is) from your Skene’s gland, which is analogus to a man’s prostate.  It sounds a lot easier than it is, but it’s always fun to experiment and it does feel pretty cool.

In the interest of full disclosure, I’ve only had one of these in my life when I was 13 years old and the ejaculate scared the ever loving shit out of me and kind of ruined the moment.  I came pretty damn close a second time, but had grown longer fingernails by then and became convinced I was going to die and never tried again.  Don’t worry, I plan on giving it another good shot soon.

Now, a word about toys…
You may have noticed that I mentioned using toys a lot this week.  But how do you pick a good toy?  First, all toys should be made of surgical sillicone and at the very least needs to be water resistant.  Dishwasher safe is alsays a plus, as well.  There are lots of toys that include battery packs that are separate from the vibrating unit so you can avoid electrocution during play.  And remember, if nothing else you can always use a partner’s hand.

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Getting What You Want When You Want It: A How-To

July 21, 2008 · Filed under Girly Parts · Tagged , , ,

So I’ve actually been doing this for a long time.  No really!  I’ve always been the one people go to for advice on various subjects about sex and relationships, even though this is the first time I’ve ever actually tried to write about it.  Do you know what the number one thing that women want to know about sex is?  How can I have an orgasm with my partner? Guess what the number one thing men want to know is.  Go on, guess.  Ready?  Men want to know how to give their partner orgasms.  No really!  So it appears that we’ve got a bit of a communication breakdown here.

If women want orgasms and men want to give orgasms, why do so few women have orgasms during sex?  Well, that’s actually a rather complicated question to answer.  There’s a lot of miscommunication in popular culture as to what women want and need to have a satisfying sex life.  How many times have you been watching a movie and the male and female lead are panting and gasping in time with the thrusts and suddenly the female lead tilts her head back and gasps!!!! Or maybe you’re a fan of the literature under your mom’s bed and you’re getting to the good parts where the heroine is so overcome by passion and lust for the hero that they manage to have a simultaneous orgasm?  Well, probably actually you’ve seen those types of scenes a whole lot.  In fact, those scenes were probably among your first exposure to the idea of sex and orgasms.  They make for great fiction, but they’re just exactly that:  great fiction.

In the three dimensional world we inhabit, only 1 in 4 women are able to have an orgasm from intercourse alone.  And even those women need G-spot stimulation in order for that to work.  Even if you’re a g-spot orgasmer, if your partner’s penis doesn’t hit the right spot then you’re not going to have an orgasm just from straight missionary style sex.  Unfortunately, since most men don’t have G-spots or clits, they tend to assume if it feels good for him, it must feel good for his partner.  Well, if that were the case we wouldn’t have had anal sex days last week.  This generally wouldn’t be a problem except that most women are rather shy about expressing their desires to their partners because they don’t want to come across as pushy or worse, like a slut.  Well, unfortunately, that sort of thinking is going to doom them to a lifetime of not enjoying sex.  Have you ever had a partner who was so good he just knew exactly what to do to make you scream?  Did you ever wonder where he got that from?  Well, chances are he either took the initiative to look it up himself and get better or else he had an ex-girlfriend (or even just a female friend) who took the time to explain to him exactly what he was doing wrong.  Good lays aren’t born, they’re made.

Let’s just stop right now and mention that not being good at providing orgasms to your partner crosses all personality and experience barriers.  Just because your guy doesn’t know he needs to go down on you doesn’t mean he’s selfish in bed and just because he DOES know how to go down on you doesn’t mean he’s a good guy.  If he refuses to even attempt to get you off, then we’ll talk about selfish.  But if he tries to make you happy once corrected, that’s not a flaw on his part.  It’s just something he needs to be corrected on.  If you want something, and you don’t happen to be currently sleeping with someone who is psychic, you’re going to have to tell them.  Yeah, it’s never fun to go “Hey you know that thing you do with your thumbs?  It makes me want to gouge my eyes out.” or worse “Sometimes I come dangerously close to falling asleep before you’re done.”  Unfortunately, part of being an adult and being in an adult relationship is being mature enough to communicate your desires in a loving and thoughtful way.  If you can’t bring yourself to utter the words “I’d really like it if you’d go down on me” then grab a book of sex positions or the joy of sex or hell, find a picture on a porno site that tickles your fancy, point to it, and go “Hey, can we try that?”  And about 90% of the time if it doesn’t involve putting his testicles in a vice, he’ll probably go “Hells to the yeah!” and break the sound barrier on his way to the bedroom.

Do you know why?  Because guys LOVE when women make it easier on them.  It’s not just guys, either.  Everybody loves it when somebody else makes things easier for them.  Most people appreciate it especially when things are made easier for them in bed, because it’s such a vulnerable time for everyone.  Nobody wants to suck at pleasing their partner.  Everyone wants to be good in bed.  So talk about it.  Bring it up in conversations.  You think it makes you seem pushy and look like a slut?  Take an informal poll of your male acquaintances.  What you think makes you seem like a bossy whore is probably just about the sexiest thing he can possibly imagine.  To his mind, a woman who talks about sex is a woman who enjoys sex and men love sex and they love women who share their hobbies.  If you need him to tie you up and go at you with a vibrator, let him know!  If you want to strap him to the bed and use him to pleasure yourself, I bet you $1 he’ll buy the restraints.  Or maybe you’d be more ready if he just did the goddamn dishes for once.  Well, if you frame it in the context of, “sweety, I think I’d be more in the mood if I had less work to do around the house” you could probably squeeze a decent amount of housework out of your average guy.

And guys!  For God’s sake, if your partner doesn’t seem to be having as good a time as you in bed, well then ask her what she wants.  Some women really ARE afraid of asking.  Ask her!  Feel around and ask if she likes it.  Encourage her!  Do what she wants!  And if the mother of your children is too tired to put out, then well, do some damn housework.  Take the kids off her hands for the day.  Arrange for a babysitter and take her to a movie.  But don’t expect to get sex every time you take the trash out, or even the first time!  If she needs a break (which she probably does) then give her some support and she’ll start to feel intimate and relaxed and eventually you’ll probably be having more sex.  But we’ll do more on that in another column.

So there you go, the number one tried and true tested remedy for bad sex:  tell your partner what you want instead.  That wasn’t so hard, was it?

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