Stimulating Conversations

I most sincerely apologise for my incredibly misleading title, as this article is about how to fake your body into achieving an orgasm without using anything but the orgasm muscles themselves. The alternative title was going to be “Look Ma, No Hands!” but a) It doesn’t really work with “Floopy Investigates” and b) that’s really fucking creepy anyway. At least it is if you have my mother.

Last week I talked about the muscles you use to fuck, so with any luck you’ve had a week to practice isolating individual muscles. That practice is really going to come in handy.

Back in the early 90s, there was much joy & hooplah about how exercising your pelvic floor can do wonders for the tone of your vagina. Well, I was a little bit of a kegel addict, so I found out by accident that if you do enough of them, or do them fast enough, they trigger anything from a mild, pleasant tingle up to a mind-blowing orgasm – without using your hands.

Enough can be somewhere between 50 & 200 clenches, less if you cum at the drop of a hat. Fast enough…. well, once you’re at the stage where more than 50 in a row is a breeze, you will find that you can pick up the pace somewhat.

The problem with kegel exercises is that they can be so poorly described that you may end up isolating the transverse abdominus by mistake. If you do, just remember how you did it, because it’s a good idea to isolate and tone those muscles too. Kegel exercises feel like you’ve taken a vaginal orgasm & slowed it down by about 200%.

To do a kegel exercise, try to make all the walls inside your vagina touch each other. Draw it in nice & tight, and hold that for as long as you can. Now, slowly release the muscles as smoothly as you can. Start by doing five in a row, and then take a break for as long as it took you to do those five, and then do them again. Depending on your level of fitness, it may take you anywhere from a few days to a few months to get up to 20, and the idea is to relax & enjoy yourself. If you feel like you’re going to cum, go with it, that’s the point.

If you are having trouble drawing in & out, put something clean & well-lubed into your vagina. This can be your finger(s), your favourite dildo, or your current bed-partner. Actually, if you swing that way, get the boyfriend, because he will love you for this, and you’ll get some all important feedback. If you are using a prosthesis or your fingers, follow the directions above.

If you are going with the boyfriend option, here’s what you do. First up, get the boy all pointy, wearing of condom & lubed up. Then tell him to lie flat on his back, and tell him he is not allowed to move at all. Now, slide on top of him, and once you are comfortable, draw your vaginal muscles in so they are gripping his penis as firmly as you can, then slowly release the muscles. Ask him to tell you what it feels like. Most likely he will say that it feels like you’re giving him head with your vagina, or that it feels kind of fluttery. That’s fine & it means you’re doing well. Keep practicing until you can stand the madness no longer.

After a few months, you should be at a point where you are physically capable of the level of repetition or speed required to get you off. Go at it. Keep practicing. If it doesn’t get you off, it should at least have taught you some fun new tricks in the bedroom & have increased your stamina.

Floopyboo