Posts tagged sexual health

Floopy Investigates the Orgasm & how to Fake it

August 28, 2008 · Filed under Blinded by SCIENCE! · Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

I most sincerely apologise for my incredibly misleading title, as this article is about how to fake your body into achieving an orgasm without using anything but the orgasm muscles themselves. The alternative title was going to be “Look Ma, No Hands!” but a) It doesn’t really work with “Floopy Investigates” and b) that’s really fucking creepy anyway. At least it is if you have my mother.

Last week I talked about the muscles you use to fuck, so with any luck you’ve had a week to practice isolating individual muscles. That practice is really going to come in handy.

Back in the early 90s, there was much joy & hooplah about how exercising your pelvic floor can do wonders for the tone of your vagina. Well, I was a little bit of a kegel addict, so I found out by accident that if you do enough of them, or do them fast enough, they trigger anything from a mild, pleasant tingle up to a mind-blowing orgasm – without using your hands.

Enough can be somewhere between 50 & 200 clenches, less if you cum at the drop of a hat. Fast enough…. well, once you’re at the stage where more than 50 in a row is a breeze, you will find that you can pick up the pace somewhat.

The problem with kegel exercises is that they can be so poorly described that you may end up isolating the transverse abdominus by mistake. If you do, just remember how you did it, because it’s a good idea to isolate and tone those muscles too. Kegel exercises feel like you’ve taken a vaginal orgasm & slowed it down by about 200%.

To do a kegel exercise, try to make all the walls inside your vagina touch each other. Draw it in nice & tight, and hold that for as long as you can. Now, slowly release the muscles as smoothly as you can. Start by doing five in a row, and then take a break for as long as it took you to do those five, and then do them again. Depending on your level of fitness, it may take you anywhere from a few days to a few months to get up to 20, and the idea is to relax & enjoy yourself. If you feel like you’re going to cum, go with it, that’s the point.

If you are having trouble drawing in & out, put something clean & well-lubed into your vagina. This can be your finger(s), your favourite dildo, or your current bed-partner. Actually, if you swing that way, get the boyfriend, because he will love you for this, and you’ll get some all important feedback. If you are using a prosthesis or your fingers, follow the directions above.

If you are going with the boyfriend option, here’s what you do. First up, get the boy all pointy, wearing of condom & lubed up. Then tell him to lie flat on his back, and tell him he is not allowed to move at all. Now, slide on top of him, and once you are comfortable, draw your vaginal muscles in so they are gripping his penis as firmly as you can, then slowly release the muscles. Ask him to tell you what it feels like. Most likely he will say that it feels like you’re giving him head with your vagina, or that it feels kind of fluttery. That’s fine & it means you’re doing well. Keep practicing until you can stand the madness no longer.

After a few months, you should be at a point where you are physically capable of the level of repetition or speed required to get you off. Go at it. Keep practicing. If it doesn’t get you off, it should at least have taught you some fun new tricks in the bedroom & have increased your stamina.

Floopyboo

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Blinded by SCIENCE!: Why We Taste (and Smell) the Way We Do

July 17, 2008 · Filed under Blinded by SCIENCE! · Tagged , , , , , ,

Okay, so we’ve all been there.  You’re in the middle of an act that can’t be shown on network television when suddenly something triggers your gag reflex.  It could be a fishy vagina or some particularly disgusting semen.  Sex organs all have particularly unique flavors and scents which are totally natural, although that doesn’t necessarily make it more pleasant.  So why do you taste and smell that way?  Well, I’m glad you asked!

Men-Fellows

Plenty of us ladies know that semen has a singularly unpleasant salty, bitter, soapy taste.  But why?  Well, it’s all about survival.  Vaginas are highly acidic environments (we’ll get to that later) so in order to survive long enough for sperm to meet egg, the semen needs to be in a basic (in the chemistry sense, there’s nothing simple about this) solution.  This doesn’t necessarily ensure that sperm will survive long enough to hit the cervix and the uterus, but it’s the only hope your swimmers have of seeing an egg.  In fact, the entire solution is designed for the sperm to be able to get sustenance and energy from it before their last long haul up the fallopian tubes.  That’s part of why the solution is so high in protein.

Coincidently, the solution in question is composed of only a small quantity of  sperm.  The majority of it is seminal fluid from the prostate gland, the seminal vesicles, and the bulbourethral glands.  Luckily for you, the majority of the fluid does not come from the testicles.  That means if you opt to have a vasectomy at some point in life, you will still have ejaculate even though it will not carry sperm.

Lady-Folk

This is just a little more complicated than the men, honestly.  The vagina is an incredibly complex organ which does a whole lot of cool stuff.  It gets its unique flavor (note:  the vagina should not be fishy smelling or tasting but we’ll get to that in a minute) from the fact it’s a highly acidic environment.  The acid is actually to kill bacteria.  That’s right, your vagina can clean itself!  When left to its own devices, your vagina can take care of itself indefinitely.  A healthy vagina should have an almost lemony flavor (you should never be able to smell a vagina unless your face is planted against it except during certain parts of your menstrual cycle).  If your vagina does have a fishy smell, that means you’ve probably contracted vaginal bacteriosis.  What’s that?  Well, it means your natural pH was probably disrupted (usually due to douching or attempts to clean the vagina) and some bacteria have moved in and made themselves at home.  What’s that?  Did I just say that douching is a bad idea?  Because it is.  A healthy vagina will clean itself.  Attempting to clean a healthy vagina will lead to an unhealthy vagina.  Just don’t do it.  If you’ve started douching, stop.  Eventually, the pH will balance back out again.  A vagina almost never needs any more than a water cleansing of the labia majora during a menstrual cycle to clean off the blood.  A healthy diet with plenty of water will usually be the only assistance your vagina needs.

So there you go, the reason your body parts have smells and flavors all comes down to a chemical reaction between acids and bases.  When mixed, an acid and a base will create salt and water.  This manages to protect the sperm and the vagina from eachother.  A single difference in the pH of either could potentially have spelled disaster for the whole human race.  So tonight when you go to get lucky, look down and thank your hoohoo/wang that it’s perfectly designed so that we didn’t become extinct millions of years ago.

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